More than Once upon a Hillock

[ChristopherSea]

As a whole, it reads very, very contrived. The language feels forced and unnatural, the narrative so mixed as to be almost impenetrable. You are better off developing a strong metaphor or image than heading pell mell into flock after flock of overmodified construct without justification.

I do think this shows evidence of strong writing and vocabulary, but it needs some tightening.

Thanks for posting.

Hey Milo, my wife said that I needed to use Artemis as my moon goddess to be consistent with Apollo and Demeter!

A a a a a a and your wife is right, but I suppose she already told you that a couple times today. How are the edits coming?

Ha ha, she did! I'm probably done with this for the moment. Presently, I am trying to complete a dramatic piece (one of her challenges). I am hoping that she joins this site one day.