Spineless

[lighthouselipstick]

A sixteen year old girl was raped in Steubenville, Ohio by two star football players with
“exceptionally bright futures”.

Women,
were born from the side of man’s body
for a reason.

Now to be clear,
I’m a feminist and I challenge any man
to stand on a pedestal built up to the expectation of perfection
in six inch high heels

and smile.

Women,
gave birth to your sons
and she loved them.

She was drunk, so she deserved it.

Women,
are the reason why you learned to have a voice,
and why you grew so strong

So my question,
Did her coos ever teach you “Man, I would totally tap that”
and did her milk pump liquid disdain into your fists
so when you hit
that girl
did you regret it?

She was wearing that? I don’t blame him.

Women,
she thought that she could fix him.
Mix enough medicine,
force it down raw throats.

But what she had missed
was that she had been prescribed by some
Freudian bullshit doctor
who must have told her
that secret admirer love letters were the same as
“stupid bitch” scraped anonymously across car doors
I don’t recall the two synonymous
but some sick bastard must have told you that
hurt
and happy
were conducive.

A sixteen year old girl was raped in Steubenville, Ohio
but she was asking for it.

Women,
were born from the side of man’s body
for a reason.

To protect him,
wrap her body around his heart
and love him
side by side as his equal
tucked under his arm for protection
He would love her.

So my question,

If women were born from the rib how could you expect her to stay by your side when you have no backbone to hold on to?


Please critique! ^.^

[blah]

I find this a little stilted to be honest, just my feeling, a tad disconnected not sure if it's a monologue, dialogue. With the way questions are phrased particularly the one liners, makes me feel it's a dialogue.

Rib remaining with backbone concept I enjoyed. In my opinion if that was expanded upon, metaphorical or not depending on your wants, it would improve the question asked at end of poem and add more substance to the piece in my eyes. If you'd like to open the way you have stating the subject matter for the poem I'd like to see more about the actual 2 mentioned guys or perhaps remove them and simply start with:

Women, were born from....

My two cents. Do think this is workable and can be tweaked to have greater impact.

Thanks for sharing

[ChristopherSea]

I certainly hope that you were never assaulted. Yes, all predatory humans are spineless. I don’t accept or condone rape, violence or abuse of any kind. Your message is certainly loud, but not quite clear in this Spoken Word (Perhaps Shouted Word) poem. This is a bit all over the place, in my opinion. Who is spineless? That rib thing ended with Eve, even if you are a fundamentalist. There seems to be a narrator, something like news flashes and the ‘ranting’ feminist (no offence here) and perhaps some internal dialog. I find them hard to identify or connect. I would probably use italics for one and bold for another, if a third, then parenthesis. I will have to swing by for another read to comment further other than to say this is emotive.