Delusions

[amberdwn]

Dreams of a better day,
Lost in my thoughts, what can I say?
I assumed happiness would appear;
Possibly, money, matrimony-maybe motherhood was near.

Am I delusional?
Nothing comes so easily, nothing.
Maybe tomorrow, the next day or the next
Then again, maybe I’m just a cautionary tale.

Go back to the old days, the old ways, and the old me.
Then again, maybe that’s why I’m suffering.
I’ll bite the bullet, maybe endure for the night,
It was brought on by me - as a result of revenge, hatred and spite.

I lost myself; I lost everything I thought I knew
I stopped blaming them and blamed it on you.
Delusions was the lock and patience was the key,
It all took time; now those delusions are set free.


7/24/2013

**My first poem, please give me the good, bad and ESPECIALLY the ugly!**

[Bunx]

i have schizophrenia so this poem hit home. I like how you compare delusional thought with everyday average problems. You bring delusional thought into the minds of the (un-delusional). anyways,
thank you so much for the feed! i would love to hear feedback on some of my poems, you might be able to catch my illness in the text.
As someone with a mental condition i would suggest distance yourself from thought all together. make your world the world just infront of your eyes.

[amberdwn]

i have schizophrenia so this poem hit home. I like how you compare delusional thought with everyday average problems. You bring delusional thought into the minds of the (un-delusional). anyways,
thank you so much for the feed! i would love to hear feedback on some of my poems, you might be able to catch my illness in the text.
As someone with a mental condition i would suggest distance yourself from thought all together. make your world the world just infront of your eyes.

Hmm..good view point. I will post one in a while about an avoidance personality You might like it. I'll check you out now. Thanks.

[jdguyb]

when you look at it you don't think the rhythm works but when you read it has a strange way of fitting. nice little poem. although you should stick to a specific rhyming scheme instead of it being all over the place

[blah]

Strikes me more as a breakup realization than mental health, delusions being the deluded emotions felt for another, or the yearning to feel for another? Patience being the time it took to get over the loss. That's the impression I get from this. Are they the same delusions - the lock and the set free?

Delusions was the lock and patience was the key,

Perhaps edit:

Delusions were the lock and patience the key

Or:

Delusions were the lock and patience was the key,
Now those delusions are all set free.

"It all took time" seems unnecessarily repetitive.

Enjoyed your poem. Please enjoy critique with a grain of salt, the good the bad and especially Clint Eastwood.

[amberdwn]

Strikes me more as a breakup realization than mental health, delusions being the deluded emotions felt for another, or the yearning to feel for another? Patience being the time it took to get over the loss. That's the impression I get from this. Are they the same delusions - the lock and the set free?

Delusions was the lock and patience was the key,

Perhaps edit:

Delusions were the lock and patience the key

Or:

Delusions were the lock and patience was the key,
Now those delusions are all set free.

"It all took time" seems unnecessarily repetitive.

Enjoyed your poem. Please enjoy critique with a grain of salt, the good the bad and especially Clint Eastwood.

You're correct. The delusions were stated in the first few lines lol..so you got it!

[Bunx]

cool cool ill look for your poem!