Buggies

[Bunx]

Edit 1 + 2
Man these engines make explosions
on the rough
dirt road.

Traveling eastward
more into America, lands
I do not know.

Where do we go?
These wheels must take us
to the brink of discovery.

Discovering you after me,
a place where we can be.
Something big or something small.

The land of milk and honey.
People mining and riding
to the edge of our land.

For a pile of gold or a
baked delight. Destroying
what we once were in.

A world of native culture
that turned into sin.

Buggies going to and fro.
When I was a child,
I looked forward to the horse
drawn night.

Now a look around
seeing a blur of colors
on a landscape I have
never seen.

America. Witnessed
by me.

[TheWall0912]

Chug chug chug huff,
man this engine sure ruffs
and puffs on the rough I do like your like break here, and the fact that "dirt road" is its own line. I don't like your use of "ruffs" and then "rough" and you don't keep up with rhyming throughout so maybe try to avoid it.
dirt road.

Traveling eastward
to America, land of
the unknown. From where?

Where do you we go, I think you should drop the "you" in this line.
what do we think?
These wheels must take us
to the brink of discovery. I like this line, but you might be able to expand on it.

The land of milk and honey.
People mining far in hiding.
For a pile of gold or a
sweet delight.

Buggies going to and fro. I like this whole stanza. I get a nice image in my head. You could possibly expand on it, maybe talk about your (the narrators) feelings? Excitement maybe?
When I was a child,
I looked forward to the horse
drawn night.

Now a look around "Now I look around" potential change.
seeing a blur of colors
on a landscape I have
never seen. Like this verse the way it is.

America, seeing
is believing. Though I like the thought behind this last line, "seeing is believing" is a cliche. Maybe try to think of a different way to say the same thing.

Overall, I really liked this piece. I like how easy it is to read. I enjoy short poems over long ones. I think you have some nice imagery here, but maybe try to add a little bit of emotion. It might have a stronger impact on the reader. All of my edits are just my opinion to be used or disregarded at will. Good start, thanks for the read!

[tectak]

Chug chug chug huff, There is an infantile quality (perhaps the wrong word) to this opener which though I am sure you did not intend you choose to leave as is. I cannot say that there is anything to redeem it's puerile construction except for better (some) punctuation. No. chug chug chug huf does nothing for me.
man this engine sure ruffs ...but it continues, trapped in onomatopoeia. Huffs and ruffs? Lets just make words up. I would go luffs and tuffs.
and puffs on the roughsorry bunx. ruff and rough? You are jesting. Desperate forcing of rhyme makes you make irrational and pointless decisions on line end breaks. If you can tell me why it is a good idea to put "dirt road" on its own line APART from some indolent attempt to get a rhyme I am listening.
dirt road.

Traveling eastward
to America, land of
the unknown. Not since Christoper Columbus. Nonsense line.

Where do you we go,I we don't know. Where do I you think we?Check basic errors before posting. See forum rules
what do we think?
These wheels must take us
to the brink of discovery This makes little sense. Why to the brink? Why not the whole way? How will you know when you are on the brink? Scrap this stanza. Frankly, I think you already have. It says nothing in twenty or so words.

The land of milk and honey. cliche gulch
People mining far in hiding.
For a pile of gold or a cliche
sweet delight. Cliche but the stanza is gobbledygook anyway. It is so badly expressed that it can only be deliberate. The punctuation is incompetent. You are better than this, I know you are. Read it through

Buggies going to and fro. cliche
When I was a child,
I looked forward to the horse...and I am sure the horse anticipated your arrival with unbridled joy. Ridiculous line break. Depressing.
drawn night.

Now a look around "a" or "I"?
seeing a blur of colors colourful cliche
on a landscape I have
never seen. Huh? If you have never seen it how can you...oh, I can't be bothered. You know what I mean.

America, seeing
is believing. CLICHE! Hurrah for the cliche! What would we all do without them?

Hi bunx,
Well, what happened?
Best,
tectak

[Bunx]

the wall- thanks for the read/comments. I tried to expand some possible ideas to appeal to some emotional concepts already shown in the poem. thanks for all the grammar/typos. I do re-read everything I post. I feel as if i am still extremely new at this.

tec- thanks for the fine tooth comb read though. I changed what i could in regards to your comments. cliches seem to be my down fall in general, i heard them all the time growing up. anyways, i hope all is well. i look it over again and see if i can make any more corrections before someone else rips me a new one