In the unknown

[NoNameNoStory]

Seeing as it is my first poem, I could use some help in improving.
I apprechiate any replies.

Surrounding me, all the dark
No shining lights, no hints of a spark
Fighting for air, but the water is deep
I needed my love, my light, my fleet

The sky is not blue, no clouds showing might
No stars showing either their bright shining lights
Is it too late, am I alone
Is everything known to us, died and gone?

Too late it is, I lost my own fight
I tried to reach out, but so far out of sight
Down the stream, but no oars to row
For darkness I meet, for darkness i bow

Try to hear my last final cries
Was I too honest, or were you all lies?
See that I need you, please hear my call
It's dark down below, and I fall, and I fall, and I fall.

[billy]

please read the rules about giving feedback/mod

[Zabrina]

Seeing as it is my first poem, I could use some help in improving.
I apprechiate any replies.

Surrounding me, all the dark
No shining lights, no hints of a spark
Fighting for air, but the water is deep
I needed my love, my light, my fleet Should be in present tense since you're using present tense in everything else? so need would be the right one

The sky is not blue, no clouds showing might
No stars showing either their bright shining lights i think you're missing a comma here between either and their.
Is it too late, am I alone
Is everything known to us, died and gone?

Too late it is, I lost my own fight
I tried to reach out, but so far out of sight i'm not too keen on this line. i think the rhythm doesnt exactly match the line above it. i dont know
Down the stream, but no oars to row
For darkness I meet, for darkness i bow

Try to hear my last final cries
Was I too honest, or were you all lies?
See that I need you, please hear my call
It's dark down below, and I fall, and I fall, and I fall. i think the first 'and i fall' didn't need an 'and'

In my opinion, which is probably not something you should be taking tooo seriously because I don't know much about this and am just learning as well, i think that you should try and find better words to use to convey the same thought but words that would engage the audience better? I think that the story you're trying to tell is not bad, BUT for example this part "No stars showing either their bright shining lights ". I think it's cliche to use 'bright shining lights'. Anyway that's just me! Let's keep learning!