Crooked Sea of Lust

[AndrewL]

Unspeakably, I'm unspoken with all of the commotion that she brings.
Do we need to tie an anchor 'round her little ankle than toss her in the sea?
Just in case she does fulfill the rest of her dirty delinquent deeds.

Just before dust.
The captain had spoken with us-
"Abandon the hopes, the anger she brings be forth we.
Take control of the situation.
Make the bitch confess her obsession-
of sleeping with the innocent, who're now concrete"

The uninfected sailors and me-
Had once told her, "if she doesn't straighten up with all her fuss
She'd see a day, she never did want to see.
We'd make her suffocate in a sea of blood-
From the unlucky sailors she has diseased."

The captains daughter is too hung in lust-
She's fondled nearly everyone excluding me.
Till last night she told me to come over to her cabin.
When I arrived she was already on her knees.
Than I asked her, "this isn't what I believe? You're not into me."
She placed her fingers on my lips than told me to be free.
Now I'm another sailor diseased in the crooked sea.

A few days later she mysteriously came up to me.
Broken down into tears-
Tares on her sleeves-
dirt on her old pair of blue jeans.
Cuts on her wrist.
She said, "They're coming after us."

[tectak]

Unspeakably, I'm unspoken with all of the commotion that she brings.This is almost pidgin english which makes not a lot of sense as an opener...or at all, for that matter. See end
Do we need to tie an anchor 'round her little ankle than toss her in the sea?Than/then? This is serious crit so you MUST correct basic errors before posting. There is an interesting "tale" here but it is lost on the rocks of diminished fluency...you are not writing right!
Just in case she does fulfill the rest of her dirty delinquent deeds.As a sentence, this isn't. It requires a syntactical link to the line above. You have left it in suspended isolation by that ill-placed question mark. Restructure the thing. You can.

Just before dust.As I have no confidence in your word use I now do not know whether you mean dust or dusk....though only dusk makes a modicum of sense provided that you punctuate correctly. "Just before dusk, the Captain had spoken TO us."
The captain had spoken with us-What is this hyphen for? Is it a typo? It cannot be deliberate.
"Abandon the hopes, the anger she brings be forth we.Utter gobbledygook. You are now worryingly close to declaring yourself illiterate...not me saying it. You are saying it. This is NOT the english language as she is spoken. Read your words OUT LOUD and tell me that this line makes sense
Take control of the situation.
Make the bitch confess her obsession-Ah. You have a hyphen obsession but that is the least of your problems
of sleeping with the innocent, who're now concrete" If I had even the remotest idea of what you were trying to say here I would whoop and holler...but I do not. Obsessed WITH, not obsessed OF. Who're? Concrete? If this is a Homeresque Odyssey I have to tell you that concrete was not invented until much later. I am lost and I do not like it.

The uninfected sailors and me-AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH! Find another little squiggly mark because you are scattering these bloody hyphens around like litter on a windy day. Me had told her? Schoolboy howler. "The uninfected sailors and I"
Had once told her, "if she doesn't straighten up with all her fuss You do not have the ability to write narrative correctly. Your syntax is all wrong, punctuation irritatingly random and you parse your sentences like a non-english speaker. If English is not your first language then I would suggest you post in mild or at the very least post a warning.
She'd see a day, she never did want to see.
We'd make her suffocate in a sea of blood-
From the unlucky sailors she has diseased."

The captains daughter is too hung in lust-It goes on and on. Apostrophe "s" in Captain's. You capitalised captain earlier on, why then or why not now? Random and careless.
She's fondled nearly everyone excluding me.So you are included in the excluded as she has not fondled everyone? Gibberish, to use a nautical term...not
Till last night she told me to come over to her cabin.Till? so she brough a cash register along? This is a true pro No full stop after cabin and use "until". I am close to leaping overboard.
When I arrived she was already on her knees.
Than I asked her, "this isn't what I believe? You're not into me."THEN not THAN. That is it. Sorry. You need to go over this and get help. It is not ready for this forum. Sometimes neither am I.
She placed her fingers on my lips than told me to be free. Then not than, who goves a dine?
Now I'm another sailor diseased in the crooked sea.

A few days later she mysteriously came up to me.
Broken down into tears-
Tares on her sleeves-I do hope you mean "tears" as a "tare" is a groin protector in Japanese martial arts
dirt on her old pair of blue jeans.
Cuts on her wrist.
She said, "They're coming after us."

As I began...there is a tale in here worth telling and it is commendable that you tried. Sadly, and sincerely well meant, I think you took more on board than the vessel could carry and the whole boat sank...I barely abandoned ship in time.
You need to look closely at your english usage, syntax, punctuation, spelling, grammar, consistency and clarity of intent. Read lots of poetry and do not be quite so ambitious. If my comments regarding your first language were off-beam, I apologise unreservedly but do not retract a word. This is very badly written and needs life support....but you are in the right place, just the wrong room.
Best,
tectak