The Plan I & The Plan II

[Robbie Reaper]

The Plan I
Long ago, with the aim of love,
You fired faith and hope with fortitude
From the bottom of your heart.
Effortlessly, you withstood bitterness and hatred
Knowing in your morale, you may break
And withdraw the plan in weakness.

The Plan II
Right now, with reckless abandon for affliction,
You're preparing for the forthcoming anger-ridden aftermath
With a bleeding heart in hand.
Selflessly, you're withstanding the Grim Reaper
Knowing the likelihood of your liveliness may
break off. However, your pride will be remembered.

-Robbie Reaper

[tectak]

The Plan I
Long ago, with the aim of love,
You fired faith and hope with fortitude
From the bottom of your heart.
Effortlessly, you withstood bitterness and hatred
Knowing in your morale, you may break
And withdraw the plan in weakness.

The Plan II
Right now, with reckless abandon for affliction,
You're preparing for the forthcoming anger-ridden aftermath
With a bleeding heart in hand.
Selflessly, you're withstanding the Grim Reaper
Knowing the likelihood of your liveliness may
break off. However, your pride will be remembered.

-Robbie Reaper

Hi robbie,
I want to say more on this than the content deserves...which really ought not to be difficult. It is not so much a poem as a condensate of eulogy, obit and rant. That is not a criticism, poetry comes from the most unlikely places once the poet puts some work into it. You have not done so yet. In order of priority, then, first you must dump the cliches.
Long ago,bottom of your heart, hope with fortitude, reckless abandon, anger ridden, bleeding heart, grim reaper.
Next, you must seriously examine word use.
knowing in your morale?
withdraw your plan in weakness?
withstanding the grim reaper?
likelihood......may break off?
likelihood of liveliness?

Finally, you must try to invest in flow, rhythm and meter. Rhyme, as always, seems to be an increasingly difficult option for aspiring poets (but I assure you, rhyming is a work-out for wordsmiths).
Then repost it.
Best,
tectak
PS. I don't know how old you are but once out of school it is customary to drop the capitals on each line. It was never a good idea even when fashionable...and that is all that it ever was.

[billy]

i can't offer any more than tom but i will just say i agree with him apart from the rhyme thing. for me, you rhyme or you don't rhyme.

[djames1021]

Maybe I don't know anything, but I always liked poetry because it's kind of without rules. That's what I liked about this, it gives me the vibe you wrote this from the heart.

I thought your word choice made sense... It was unique in the way it depicts what you're trying to get across and how... for me, sometimes the beauty of language is to bend the rules.

I also like how it has a little theme goin' on there. What I mean by that is, it's like an episode of someone's life. An issue that needed to be dealt with, and over time the plan changed.

Two things I wasn't too crazy about..
"Reckless abandon for affliction" though kind of came off as a little cliche or unoriginal to me.
The rhythm is hard to pick up on, even though you seemed to have one going on there with the way the lines break.

Like I said, I'm really no poetry master, but when you take it for what it is, I think it's creative and I like the passion that it possesses.

[Robbie Reaper]

Djames,
Thank you for the kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed the composition. And to everyone else, I obviously know how to rhyme. Have you ever thought of a writing exercise other than writing plain, uninspired rhymes just for the sake of rhyming? Have you ever tried to make a poem flow throughout without rhyming at all? Trust me, it is very challenging! However, I choose to do so occasionally, because it breaks up the monotony of "bullshit poetry." And on another note, the so-called "Poetry experts" who criticize my work may know a great deal about poetry, however, from I have read of their work, they have no idea whatsoever how to write with actual substance ... But then again, different strokes for different folks.

Take care everyone,
Robbie Reaper

Maybe I don't know anything, but I always liked poetry because it's kind of without rules. That's what I liked about this, it gives me the vibe you wrote this from the heart.

I thought your word choice made sense... It was unique in the way it depicts what you're trying to get across and how... for me, sometimes the beauty of language is to bend the rules.

I also like how it has a little theme goin' on there. What I mean by that is, it's like an episode of someone's life. An issue that needed to be dealt with, and over time the plan changed.

Two things I wasn't too crazy about..
"Reckless abandon for affliction" though kind of came off as a little cliche or unoriginal to me.
The rhythm is hard to pick up on, even though you seemed to have one going on there with the way the lines break.

Like I said, I'm really no poetry master, but when you take it for what it is, I think it's creative and I like the passion that it possesses.

[milo]

Djames,
Thank you for the kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed the composition. And to everyone else, I obviously know how to rhyme. Have you ever thought of a writing exercise other than writing plain, uninspired rhymes just for the sake of rhyming? Have you ever tried to make a poem flow throughout without rhyming at all? Trust me, it is very challenging! However, I choose to do so occasionally, because it breaks up the monotony of "bullshit poetry." And on another note, the so-called "Poetry experts" who criticize my work may know a great deal about poetry, however, from I have read of their work, they have no idea whatsoever how to write with actual substance ... But then again, different strokes for different folks.

Take care everyone,
Robbie Reaper

Maybe I don't know anything, but I always liked poetry because it's kind of without rules. That's what I liked about this, it gives me the vibe you wrote this from the heart.

I thought your word choice made sense... It was unique in the way it depicts what you're trying to get across and how... for me, sometimes the beauty of language is to bend the rules.

I also like how it has a little theme goin' on there. What I mean by that is, it's like an episode of someone's life. An issue that needed to be dealt with, and over time the plan changed.

Two things I wasn't too crazy about..
"Reckless abandon for affliction" though kind of came off as a little cliche or unoriginal to me.
The rhythm is hard to pick up on, even though you seemed to have one going on there with the way the lines break.

Like I said, I'm really no poetry master, but when you take it for what it is, I think it's creative and I like the passion that it possesses.

This writing with actual substance, that is what my writing has been missing. Thank god a poetic genius showed up with this masterpiece and set me straight. Writing with rhythm but no rhyme? Impossible for us lesser poets but a genius like you makes it look easy.

This poem?

It has flow.

It resonated with me.

[R.C. KITCHENS]

The Plan I
Long ago, with the aim of love,
You fired faith and hope with fortitude
From the bottom of your heart.
Effortlessly, you withstood bitterness and hatred
Knowing in your morale, you may break
And withdraw the plan in weakness.

The Plan II
Right now, with reckless abandon for affliction,
You're preparing for the forthcoming anger-ridden aftermath
With a bleeding heart in hand.
Selflessly, you're withstanding the Grim Reaper
Knowing the likelihood of your liveliness may
break off. However, your pride will be remembered.


-Robbie Reaper

I put in bold the words I thought come off as cliche. I really didnt get the plan. The work you have here lacks in it detail and imagery.
I think you could rework this piece with more of your imagination and come up with more depth for "The Plan and Plan 2".
I don't believe it has to rhyme, just more detailed and invoking.

[billy]

Djames,
Thank you for the kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed the composition. And to everyone else, I obviously know how to rhyme. Have you ever thought of a writing exercise other than writing plain, uninspired rhymes just for the sake of rhyming? Have you ever tried to make a poem flow throughout without rhyming at all? Trust me, it is very challenging! However, I choose to do so occasionally, because it breaks up the monotony of "bullshit poetry." And on another note, the so-called "Poetry experts" who criticize my work may know a great deal about poetry, however, from I have read of their work, they have no idea whatsoever how to write with actual substance ... But then again, different strokes for different folks.

Take care everyone,
Robbie Reaper

stop being silly, if you don't like honest feedback don't post here Admin it's that easy.

[Leanne]

Posts have been deleted. If your comments have nothing to do with the poem but are only addressing other comments... don't be trolls, or feed them/ admin

[Robbie Reaper]

Fair enough.

Posts have been deleted. If your comments have nothing to do with the poem but are only addressing other comments... don't be trolls, or feed them/ admin

[tectak]

Fair enough.

Posts have been deleted. If your comments have nothing to do with the poem but are only addressing other comments... don't be trolls, or feed them/ admin

Thanks leanne, I was becoming pleasant again....somebody stop me!!!

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Fair enough.

Posts have been deleted. If your comments have nothing to do with the poem but are only addressing other comments... don't be trolls, or feed them/ admin

Thanks leanne, I was becoming pleasant again....somebody stop me!!!