poem of publets

[Bunx]

My poem for publets,
and all the nublets
that happen to be reading,
seeding or feeding the
hungry of the mind.

nublets please, listen close
for though i tend to hear the most
random things in an afternoon.
it doesn't mean one still can not
play near the moon.

piglets come here and close.
you may die tomorrow, but
to your end, we shall brost.
with beer and your body of coarse.
at least some can die,
without the thoughts of remorse.

remorse, feel me now. for
thou art everything that you are now.
i can feel you or i can die
like a pig. or the moon can be
like guiding light till the end.

[Malu]

My poem for publets, Is publets even a word?
and all the nublets Or nublets? Is snoop dogg your idol? fo' shizzle my nizzle we keep it rizzle in this crizzle. Just making up words to rhyme
that happen to be reading,
seeding or feeding the Good haha, we're either having sex or eating, those are usually the cases aren't they haha. As long as I get fucked and fed and then I'm off to bed
hungry of the mind. Not just the mind

nublets please, listen close
for though i tend to hear the most Capitalize "i"
random things in an afternoon.
it doesn't mean one still can not You ended last line with a period, but didn't capitalize the start of this sentence/line.
play near the moon.

piglets come here and close. Now here is a real word that ends with lets
you may die tomorrow, but
to your end, we shall brost. Is brost a word? Oh no not again
with beer and your body of coarse. I think you mean of course
at least some can die,
without the thoughts of remorse.

remorse, feel me now. for Capitalize "for" it looks to be the start of a sentence, you know, judging of of the previous word having a period.
thou art everything that you are now.
i can feel you or i can die Capitalize 'i" how'd you miss that twice in one line?
like a pig. or the moon can be I think you meant to put a comma in this line, not a period.
like guiding light till the end.

The grammar and format need work

[Viktor Vaughn]

My poem for publets, I googled this, and still don't know what a 'publet' is. There's no (big) problem with making up words, as long as you say what the word means.
and all the nublets Although I did find this by Googling, it seems to be a very pop-culture specific word that most people won't understand. Obscurity isn't always the right choice.
that happen to be reading,
seeding or feeding the
hungry of the mind.

nublets please, listen close
for though i tend to hear the most
random things in an afternoon. Then what? You have 'though I...' with no resolution. Though you do that, then what?
it doesn't mean one still can not Ah, here we go. The full stop threw me off, which means it's probably not the best use of it
play near the moon.What does listening have to do with playing near the moon? It sounds like it could be a good idea, it just needs to be explained

piglets come here and close.
you may die tomorrow, but
to your end, we shall brost. Apparently this word means 'breast' in Swedish, but I don't think that's what your meaning. I'm going to assume it's a typo for 'broast'
with beer and your body of coarse. course
at least some can die,
without the thoughts of remorse.

remorse, feel me now. for
thou art everything that you are now. Well, yes, it couldn't really be something it isn't now, now could it?
i can feel you or i can die
like a pig. or the moon can be The moon is brought back, so I'm going to assume it's important, though I still don't know why
like guiding light till the end.

[Legoloofa]

I like how you turned some serious thoughts into something playful. At least that's how I perceive it. I do that a lot when I'm nervous. Nice poem

[Keith]

My poem for publets,
and all the nublets
that happen to be reading,
seeding or feeding the
hungry of the mind.

nublets please, listen close Nublets move the comma to the end
for though i tend to hear the most I
random things in an afternoon.
it doesn't mean one still can not the line is too long (It doesn't mean I can't)
play near the moon.

piglets come here and close. close, boast
you may die tomorrow, but
to your end, we shall brost.
with beer and your body of coarse.
at least some can die,
without the thoughts of remorse.

remorse, feel me now. for
thou art everything that you are now.
i can feel you or i can die
like a pig. or the moon can be
like guiding light till the end. Re-write and drop all the previous references come up with something that fits with the other stanza's and still puts your point across

Bunx you me got again with this one, You need to take time and do a good edit, re-write the last stanza it reads like you gave up and rushed the ending just to finish. I really enjoyed this, if you could maintain the standard of the opening stanza you would have a very fine poem. Best Keith

[Lampstand123]

I liked the tone that you were setting in this poem, it felt playful. It was enjoyable to read through.

[PaulineG]

This is my first critique on here and I'm hoping to not repeat prior comments.

My poem for publets,
and all the nublets
that happen to be reading,
seeding or feeding the
hungry of the mind. So I'm thinking this is for a fantasy book or that you haven't clarified what these words mean. In my mind, from reading this first stanza, I'm thinking publets is baby pigs (so why not say piglets) and nublets are adult pigs?? Since that's not right, I'm assuming some fantasy creature or something. If that's the case, I love this stanza except for its last line, feeding the hungry of the mind, I need more explanation.

nublets please, listen close
for though i tend to hear the most
random things in an afternoon.
it doesn't mean one still can not
play near the moon. I think this is a good stanza that could be made stronger if there were more explanation to the last line

piglets come here and close. Wait, so they ARE piglets? What was the nublet, publet business about?
you may die tomorrow, but
to your end, we shall brost.
with beer and your body of coarse.
at least some can die, I really appreciate this stanza though, it's dark yet fun lol. However I almost wonder if making this line "at least" more of an afterthought or held thought would make it stronger? What I mean is maybe a "... at least" or an exclamation point at the end of "remourse" or even still "at least". It may add more feeling that way
without the thoughts of remorse.

remorse, feel me now. for again, exclamation point?
thou art everything that you are now. i'm not entirely sure "thou" fits here but at the same time I like it here
i can feel you or i can die
like a pig. or the moon can be
like guiding light till the end. I'm not sure about this ending... I feels a little disconnected from the "or" Maybe it needs a little more connection.

I really liked this one but I think it's fault is that it needs more context or explanation to it. If you were to drop publet/nublet and repalced with pigs, I think it would help alot. Or if you won't, then either explain beforehand or find a way to explain in the poem. I'm really curious about this story or inspiration for this poem.

[Keith]

Hey Bunx all this great feedback deserves an edit or at least a thnxs for the effort, I would like to see the edit. If you have died or got really sick then please accept my condolences / apologies but if your reading this then shake a nublet. I know this is in novice but we are a work-shop.

[SirBrendan]

My poem for publets, -- Nonsense words are fun, but their meaning has to be easily inferred. This is not the case here, so it's just dangerous.
and all the nublets -- Possibly playing off of internet slang, but there's nothing else here similar, so again no inference can be made.
that happen to be reading,
seeding or feeding the -- Very weak rhymes here
hungry of the mind. -- The repetition of 'the' is unnecessary and jarring

nublets please, listen close
for though i tend to hear the most --Though makes no sense here. Though implies the qualification of an assumed contradiction-- there isn't one though.
random things in an afternoon.
it doesn't mean one still can not -- Again, why would you hearing things make us think you couldn't play near the moon?
play near the moon.

piglets come here and close.
you may die tomorrow, but
to your end, we shall brost. -- Another nonsense word, but this time I'm terrified a brost a toast to a bro. There were no other frat references, so why?
with beer and your body of coarse. -- you used the wrong 'course'
at least some can die,
without the thoughts of remorse.

remorse, feel me now. for
thou art everything that you are now. -- why use the anachronism 'thou' when nothing else is in the same manner.
i can feel you or i can die
like a pig. or the moon can be
like guiding light till the end.