The Shadow

[jonathan1787]

You’re a hopeless soul
sitting there watching
life going by
waiting and longing
for a miracle to appear
but instead receive nothing
just fantasies and illusions
of what once was and
what will never be
your heart is shattered
and you find yourself
not knowing what pieces
to pick up first
the path before you
is not as straightforward
as you planned it out to be
it twists and turns and yet
at times forms an endless circle
and you see no point
in continuing this cycle
there is no light
not even a strand of hope
for you to grasp
you are isolated
from everything
from everyone
everything you do and
everything you feel
you keep it locked away
for no one to see
as if you were dragon
guarding a wealthy treasure
but in fact what you keep
inside is anything but a treasure
you sacrifice your sanity
for the sake of others and
slowly let the poison within
take a hold of your heart
and you are unable to find a cure
your world and reality clash
inside your mind you try to escape
but it only drives you mad
nothing makes sense
nothing works out
alone in the darkness is
where you often find yourself
deprived of anything that is good
you wander through the depths
of your mind, body, and soul
seeking clarity as well as hope and
you come back empty
what do you strive on?
Is this really your existence?
Never knowing what it is like
to be touched by inspiration
to discover flaming courage and
finally have a voice
to step into the light and
not blend within with the shadows
to truly guard treasures
that are far more precious
than any gems on this Earth
to find yourself among others
who will always be at your side
to find peace and clarity within
yourself as well as within others
if only I could reach out to you
give you a glimpse of
what it is like on the other side
but you’re quickly falling
into a dark and deep abyss
in which no other soul
could ever reach you
I wonder if I’ll ever get
to see your face from
beyond the shadows
that have swallowed you whole
I truly mourn for you
you hopeless wandering soul

[Tommy]

Wow, without punctuation this work reads as one long run on sentence. I find myself having to go back and then back again and again to try to decipher the voice and rhythm you intend. For me the meaning took a back seat to the laborious task of just reading this. I also note that you ended many lines with "and" typically lines should end on a word you want to emphasize. Please give me some more structure because I think I'm going to like it once I can read it. Thanks.

[Magpie]

Hi Jonathan,
I do agree with Tommy as regards lack of punctuation for this poem.
It was at times a bit confusing and I found myself doubling back to make sure I had the right context. This manner of reading back and forth did kind of lose me within the poem and therefore by the end I had lost the thread of what you were saying. Even as I am reading it through now I keep on getting lost a bit which is a shame because there is a good tone to this.
I was half thinking about going through it and adding some punctuation but it would appear that you have purposefully chosen not to use it. I definitely think that it would benefit even from just a little bit of punctuation to enable the reader.
I will come back to this poem though because there is a lot of good stuff in it, I just need to be able to concentrate on it a bit more.
Thanks AR