untitled

[untitled]

Read a few. Really like them.

I used original phrases for the most part:
Weakened earth
Chalked form
Iron lungs

But, ended each paragraph with an idiom to anchor the abstract form of the entire poem

[cidermaid]

This poem would make more impact and I might be able to draw more meaning if it had a title.
I am really struggling to connect the words of each stanza to make anything meaningful.
Taken on their own and placed together as a single unit I think the last lines of each stanza would stand up to better scrutiny as a poem.
Sorry if this seems a little harsh. JMHO
AJ

My apologies. I just noticed you are new to the site.
Sorry I did not offer you a proper welcome and also the above is a bit harsh a first crit. I had not noticed that you call tag and the poem are both untitled, I just took this as the poem. My crit would probably have been the same....but perhaps with a bit more fluffy edges.
So here's a belated welcome to the site

[untitled]

Thanks

Appreciate your feedback.

I find it interesting that the last lines of each stanza were more sensible to you. The last lines are idioms used to reference societal norms. I interpret your preference for a title and the last lines as a reflection of an individual comforted by shared values, strong societal norms and a well-defined worldview.

Of course, this is simply my interpretation of your interpretation, and nothing more than a humble opinion.

[Wildcard]

Hi untitled,

If your username wasn't the same as the poem I would just assume you hadn't settled on a title, but since it is I am assuming a theme (that might not exist :p )-- in any event feel free to ignore me and welcome to the forum.

I see a progression in this and while I can definitely feel an anonymous pilgrimage happening, I also think that rather than skimming the surface, you could dig a little deeper without losing the sage-like feel of the poem. Sometimes I am guilty of omitting pieces of the puzzle because my mind can recreate those pieces while the reader's cannot-- I feel that is happening here but ofc I could be wrong.

I do like the word choices mostly, but don't like the twisted grammar of the last lines (fear not just doesn't do it for me ).

Anyway, just my thoughts-- thanks for sharing

[untitled]

Hi untitled,

If your username wasn't the same as the poem I would just assume you hadn't settled on a title, but since it is I am assuming a theme (that might not exist :p )-- in any event feel free to ignore me and welcome to the forum.

I see a progression in this and while I can definitely feel an anonymous pilgrimage happening, I also think that rather than skimming the surface, you could dig a little deeper without losing the sage-like feel of the poem. Sometimes I am guilty of omitting pieces of the puzzle because my mind can recreate those pieces while the reader's cannot-- I feel that is happening here but ofc I could be wrong.

I do like the word choices mostly, but don't like the twisted grammar of the last lines (fear not just doesn't do it for me ).

Anyway, just my thoughts-- thanks for sharing

Thank you.

Very insightful.

You are exactly right. However, I am at a loss for words. I feel as if everything the reader needs is in front of them, if they can connect the dots. I guess I just do not want to make things too easy for you.

It's fascinating that you're interpretation is the polar opposite of the previous poster (who liked the last lines but had no affinity to the rest of the poem).

Your interpretation would indicate that you think abstractly (or more abstractly than the norm) and that you are very open-minded. Your dislike of the last lines may reflect your dislike for societal norms (especially those imposed on you against your will).

Again, just my opinion, and thus meaningless.

[rowens]

I went through it, read it in different patterns, matching correspondences. Put the combined meanings together, in stacked levels of layers, and mixed it all up again.

But I had to fill in vague and valuable impressions myself.
Do you have any more poems?

Maybe something thicker. So there's more work to do.

[untitled]

I went through it, read it in different patterns, matching correspondences. Put the combined meanings together, in stacked levels of layers, and mixed it all up again.

But I had to fill in vague and valuable impressions myself.
Do you have any more poems?

Maybe something thicker. So there's more work to do.

Unfortunately, this is my first and possibly last poem.

After the entire process, what meaning did you derive?

[rowens]

You mean what's your strict intention?

I don't find meanings in anything. If I did, I wouldn't write.

[untitled]

What meaning did you derive from the poem?

I may have posted in the wrong subforum since this forum is for criticism.

Is there a better subforum for discussing the meaning and interpretation of poems?

[Wildcard]

You could ask a mod to move this to Miscellaneous (what I would suggest) or Poetry For Fun (if you don't mind people getting off the subject).

[rowens]

The same over and over. Keeps multiplying. Like tribbles.

[untitled]

You could ask a mod to move this to Miscellaneous (what I would suggest) or Poetry For Fun (if you don't mind people getting off the subject).

How do I ask a mod to move it to miscellaneous

[untitled]

The same over and over. Keeps multiplying. Like tribbles.

I like. Very poetic. Star Trek reference may undermine it's artistic qualities.

[rowens]

You just did.

I see people being told to rest and not to think. Till they have to, then they just have to. Then things go on and on, and confused, and changing paths. Then they're dead.

But that's only the simple version. The words can be stared at, and meanings will come. But writers just write, and make up their own meanings. In everything. Through everything.

I don't see meanings anywhere; that would be crazy. But I feel meanings all over the place. So I write about them.

Why aren't you going to write any more poems?

[rowens]

Not today. We're allowed decadence in our style.

[untitled]

You just did.

I see people being told to rest and not to think. Till they have to, then they just have to. Then things go on and on, and confused, and changing paths. Then they're dead.

But that's only the simple version. The words can be stared at, and meanings will come. But writers just write, and make up their own meanings. In everything. Through everything.

I don't see meanings anywhere; that would be crazy. But I feel meanings all over the place. So I write about them.

Why aren't you going to write any more poems?

Fantastic. You identified one major theme but the chronology may be out of order. But very close.

And you're right. It's only one version.

I think if you try to find meaning in everything. You will only find that everything means nothing.

I don't know if I'll write again. Depends if an idea strikes me.

[untitled]

It may be allowed but does that make it necessary.

[rowens]

I guess I should talk in the one that isn't going to get deleted.

[rowens]

It's hard to avoid.

[untitled]

Is decadence not better served when paired with restraint