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Joined: Mar 2013
(*This was inspired by my experiences at an event with an untranslatable Danish name. The closest I could get was 'Festival of Diversity', as I really wanted the event as the title. I've considered adding more stanzas, but I would love to see what other people think, of what I've written so far first. Thanks a lot in advance.)
Festival of Diversity
Surrounded by trails
of glowing orange;
Fragrant fireflies-
their faint buzz
resonating inside us.
Engulfed by a mouth
of scented clouds;
Drifting upward,
lulling down the stars
for us to inhale.
Marionettes of the tunes;
Invisible strings
and fleeting aroma-
conjoins swaying bodies;
Beats and hearts merging.
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(05-14-2013, 07:15 AM)Volaticus Wrote: (*This was inspired by my experiences at an event with an untranslatable Danish name. The closest I could get was 'Festival of Diversity', as I really wanted the event as the title. I've considered adding more stanzas, but I would love to see what other people think, of what I've written so far first. Thanks a lot in advance.)
Festival of Diversity
Surrounded by trails
of glowing orange;
Fragrant fireflies-
their faint buzz
resonating inside us.
Engulfed by a mouth
of scented clouds;
Drifting upward,
lulling down the stars
for us to inhale.
Marionettes of the tunes;
Invisible strings
and fleeting aroma-
conjoins swaying bodies;
Beats and hearts merging.
Hi Volaticus,
If the more stanzas you were thinking of adding are like these, then yes definitely because this one ended far too soon. This is very poetic and with a surreal quality that isn't over the top surreal. The images you create are very beautiful, I look forward to reading more of it.
Thanks AR
wae aye man ye radgie
Posts: 280
Threads: 42
Joined: Mar 2013
(05-14-2013, 08:01 AM)ambrosial revelation Wrote: Hi Volaticus,
If the more stanzas you were thinking of adding are like these, then yes definitely because this one ended far too soon. This is very poetic and with a surreal quality that isn't over the top surreal. The images you create are very beautiful, I look forward to reading more of it.
Thanks AR
Hi AR,
It makes me very happy to hear that you like it, and that you think it's something I should continue working on. Poetic and surreal was my goal of the atmosphere, so it's good to hear that it shines through.
I hope I'll get a few more comments/crits, and then I'll definitely work from that, and try to make this into a finished, (hopefully) solid poem. Thanks again very much.
Best,
-LB
