Pot-Holes

[Samuel.K123]

As I sit here
My mind stubling through the un-
even solid concrete slabs of my memory;

I try to grasp their papery thin form.
I try to gaze at the shape of paint,
on this ash eaten, fading canvas.

Here it comes. The flame. The pepper shaker.
The monsoon, with dry rain that leaves you even more thirsty.
Burning, dotting, dreamily washing away the canvas.

One thousand times I've dreamed,
and I've seen, heard, felt you. So ghostly real.
One thousand times I've heaved,
and beamed that, for a twinkling, I could artificially feel.

One more, now cracked, slab slips into nothingness,
the holed path between now and that day,
that which bids my feet to forget their burning pain.

[Zerric]

As I sit here doesn't seem to be needed...if you remove this you could bring uneven onto the previous line. i.e. My mind stumbles...
My mind stubling through the un- stumbling, and i'm not sure you should split uneven like that
even solid concrete slabs of my memory; your mind is stumbling through solid slabs?

I try to grasp their papery thin form. should be paper thin, your only comparing the thinness of paper, right? can't use both papery and thin together
I try to gaze at the shape of paint,
on this ash eaten, fading canvas.ash eaten? ash doesn't "eat" anything. ash stains...it doesn't consume, so ash eaten doesn't sound right. you could use ashen

Here it comes. The flame. The pepper shaker.
The monsoon, with dry rain that leaves you even more thirsty. Dry rain? really? If you've ever been in a monsoon, you'll NEVER describe it as dry rain. I'm guessing this is some sort of metaphor your using to compare fire to...
Burning, dotting, dreamily washing away the canvas.

One thousand times I've dreamed,I like this thousand dreams part but the past tense of dream is dreamt
and I've seen, heard, felt you. So ghostly real. again with the contradiction. you could get away with this i guess, but think about using something like transient. or fleetingly, or something
One thousand times I've heaved,
and beamed that, for a twinkling, I could artificially feel. you've beamed it?? what does that even mean? and you've beamed it for a twinkling...seriously, make sure you have the right meaning of words b4 putting them in...

One more, now cracked, slab slips into nothingness,
the holed path between now and that day,
that which bids my feet to forget their burning pain.

[Samuel.K123]

As I sit here doesn't seem to be needed...if you remove this you could bring uneven onto the previous line. i.e. My mind stumbles...
My mind stubling through the un- stumbling, and i'm not sure you should split uneven like that
even solid concrete slabs of my memory; your mind is stumbling through solid slabs?

I try to grasp their papery thin form. should be paper thin, your only comparing the thinness of paper, right? can't use both papery and thin together
I try to gaze at the shape of paint,
on this ash eaten, fading canvas.ash eaten? ash doesn't "eat" anything. ash stains...it doesn't consume, so ash eaten doesn't sound right. you could use ashen

Here it comes. The flame. The pepper shaker.
The monsoon, with dry rain that leaves you even more thirsty. Dry rain? really? If you've ever been in a monsoon, you'll NEVER describe it as dry rain. I'm guessing this is some sort of metaphor your using to compare fire to...
Burning, dotting, dreamily washing away the canvas.

One thousand times I've dreamed,I like this thousand dreams part but the past tense of dream is dreamt
and I've seen, heard, felt you. So ghostly real. again with the contradiction. you could get away with this i guess, but think about using something like transient. or fleetingly, or something
One thousand times I've heaved,
and beamed that, for a twinkling, I could artificially feel. you've beamed it?? what does that even mean? and you've beamed it for a twinkling...seriously, make sure you have the right meaning of words b4 putting them in...

One more, now cracked, slab slips into nothingness,
the holed path between now and that day,
that which bids my feet to forget their burning pain.

The whole thing is a work in progress, i do intend to correct and improve it some time. Most lines are using metaphors and symbolism, this is what poetry means for me; using some things to represent feelings and most of all imagery. Sorry for the spelling, I'm foreign.
The whole poem is about a drug addiction and how it has created holes in my memory, fading away one's of a person I used to have in my life, memory's of who I both cherish and run away from.
The solidness of the slabs represents how real the memory's are, i.e memory's don't get any more real then they are as you cant change them, therefore solid like stone slabs; i'm stumbling through them as in it is hard to face some memory's, and also the stumbling ties in with the holes in a path/uneven slabs idea. They are papery thin as memory's are so fragile, easily lost and torn.
Ash can do whatever it wants. Once flame has consumed ash is left. So in a sense "ash eaten", but I do understand where your coming from.
The dry rain ties in with what is said later. I guess dry rain does not quench your thirst. The rain or monsoon, a more intense, whole world feel to it, is the rush of drugs through ones body. The rain is there to fill me up, fill the holes, but it never does and leaves me more thirsty. Yes, it also ties into the idea of flame and ash.
I used the dreams, one thousand especially, as a literal sense, to show the passage of time and to link in the idea of how dreamy it is when your high. Ghostly real is exactly what it means. When seeing that person in my dreams, so real even after I had consciously "faded" away his memory, it horrified me. "heaved" as in inhaled, self explanatory.
I've "beamed", meaning grinning like some idiot, for example "he was beaming" would mean over ecstatically happy, being high. Also for "a twinkling" because it only lasts for a fleeting moment.

THank you for the feedback

[Zerric]

Sorry if I was a little harsh...especially if English is a second language to you. Anyway...keep the parts you want to keep...that's just my opinion...but check grammar...

EDIT:
papery thin ----> paper thin (seems small, but it should be like this)

also if you use 'memories' instead of 'my memory', it might get your point across better...
And you first use 'solid concrete slabs' then 'papery thin' seems a bit disconnected in imagery.