Man on the bench

[KICKBACK]

Man on the bench.
I went to the park to chill out,
I got there and I saw
A man on a bench just sitting there.
He was there before I got there,
But something tells me it's been twenty-
Maybe fifteen minutes since he sat.
I walked on across the grass
And stood under a tree.
I looked at him then admired the leaves.
A second passed.
He just sat
Staring out straight.
Not a care in this world,
But what about inside his head?
He hasn't moved in almost an hour.
Maybe he's dead?
Or maybe he gets his power sitting on the bench.
Whatever the case,
He's probably just like me,
Standing underneath the tree,
Because I have nothing
To do.

[Magpie]

Hi KICKBACK,
I like the idea of this poem, there's an interesting concept in there.
I see that this is the first poem you have posted, I've been waiting for you to post a poem since you commented on my Seagulls poem, thanks for the comments, there's a new version coming soon.
Don't be afraid to post stuff on the forums where people will give more critical analysis, which you'll find more helpful.
You've definitely got the idea there, which is half the battle, finding some unusual angle to look at something in an original way. And the rest will come with time.
Look forward to reading more of your stuff soon.
Thanks
AR

[KICKBACK]

Thanks AR.
I have been a little hesitant about posting, but I'll open up a bit more, no doubt.

[billy]

hi kickback,

start off in novice where the feedback isn't line by line. novice doesn't always mean novice poet, it can also mean novice to getting feedback