The Parable of the Fox and the Chickens

[Todd]

Hi a vermits, sorry I haven't had a chance to look at your work up until this point. Here are some comments for you.

First off, I love parables. This reminds me of some of the James Thurber Animal Parables, and a little bit of Louise Gluck's Parable of the Dove. It skirts the edge of fable because it has talking human-like animals but it still has more parable elements (real world situations, moral lesson, etc).

And finally the day came where the chickens transcended their submissive lot in life by capturing, in a strong cage, the wolf that had long terrorized their people.--Is a wolf the right villain isn't it traditionally a fox or a weasel (something clever that acts alone not in a pack) And the chickens had a grand feast that night and placed at the center--maybe add "was" their tormentor. The wolf: consumed with anger and an insatiable blood lust, gnawed at the bars of his cage. This pleased the chickens and they spent the evening--maybe cut and...evening and add "as they danced and taunted..." dancing and taunting their enemy.

In the coming weeks the initial excitement of the capture wore off and the wolf became just another road-side attraction in chicken town.--love that first sentenceHaving succumb--add -ed to captivity, the wolf relaxed the--cut "the" replace with "into" and cut everthing after pacing in the sentence. The repeat of captivity should go in any event compulsive pacing that defined his first hours of captivity. Soon some of the bravest chickens--bravest feels wrong from the scene you've set up the wolf has been reduced to a spectacle...maybe something to express young thrill seekers, or such engaged the wolf in conversation--maybe something about them drawing near the cage. You don't have to say that they initiated. Just add the word impromptu before audience in the next sentence and you probably get there. The wolf regaled his audience with tales of adventure from far away lands. The chickens, having lived a rather pedestrian life in chicken town--don't think you need chicken town again the pedestrian life stands well on it's own, found the wolf's stories liberating. They imagined a new world where they were--would instead of were no longer forced to take part in the oppressive tedium of chicken life--instead of chicken life talk about examples the oppressive life of pecking seeds, or laying eggs or whatever. After a few months, many of the younger chicken could be seen enthusiastically mimicing the wolf's most violent tendencies--again examples. This adoration continued for many years--you can stay vague don't worry about for many years until the wolf gained, in the youth underground,  a Godlike status. The elders attempt to suppress this dangerous ideology but soon realized that, to save their way of life, they had no course of action but to squash the uprising with force.

The war of the chickens was short-lived.--love this line The younger chickens, fueled by their desire to be free and made strong by the expert training of the wolf, slaughtered the elders--maybe simply their elders and cut of chicken town of chicken town. And as it stood: the old ways of the town past--passed, ushering in a new society that behaved much like the wolf they had always--maybe previously instead of always feared.  After a short-lived debate, the heads of the new government decided to free their leader. The wolf, having grown old--instead something more visual old in fur and fang...or some such, promised to take the chickens back into the forest so that they could finally assimilate to their new way of life. --maybe instead of assimilate finally have the freedom they craved


So the chickens marched proudly to meet their brothers and have great adventures. Some died from the harsh conditions of the wood, and when they finally were presented to the wolf council most were sick and weakened by the journey. The great wolf leader: an old wise elder of the wolf tribe, couldn't believe his eyes when his old friend brought to his feet thousands of chickens lacking both fear and malice. "What are we to do friend?" The wolf asked. "These chickens could feed us for the winter and ensure our survival."

The leader of the chickens approached offering,

"We owe everything to the great wisdom of the wolf. We were mindless slaves before our wolf brother saved our wasted lives. We are prepared to do anything to serve you and we will gladly go to our deaths to preserve the wolf way of life."


From that day forward the world of wolves became one of great leisure. No longer concerned with hunting and the gathering of food, the wolves turned their attention to the arts, to good food and high culture. The chickens willfully reproduced to provide for their masters--brothers may be more appropriate from the chicken perspective and were granted all the pleasures of the wolf kingdom for as long as they were allowed to live. Many of the old ways of the wolf were lost replaced by a refined and dignified existence. This did not mean, however, that the wolves were weakened by their new culture,--maybe this instead of their and when man finally made his way to the land of the wolves he found himself trapped in an inescapable iron cage. That night, the animals of the wood threw a grand celebration. Under the wash of summer moonlight the chickens danced around the cage like wolves, and the wolves imitated the tears of man in an attempt to understand.--great last line and a nice spin on the cycle repeating

I hope some of that will be helpful. They're mostly just some thoughts and options to consider.

Best,

Todd