07-20-2012, 09:36 AM
Hi Ash.
It reads well to me, I have two nits though. the title is too obvious, and it doesn't say "this is an attempt at poetry" to me.
while a parable can be a story in verse or prose, this definitely has the feel of the latter. I suppose it could be called prose poetry, but not by me
that said, i enjoyed it, i loved the twist at the end. and the language used to convey a parable in the style of animal farm, in that one animal takes the role and personification of another to the extreme not exactly but it does have some of the same qualities. i also enjoyed that i wanted to read it to the end. whether i see it as poetry or not doesn't mean it is or it isn't. that you perceive it as such is what matters. that said, like all writers/poets who place their work on a plate for the public to taste, you have to ask yourself did you succeed in writing what you thought you wrote
thanks for the read.
It reads well to me, I have two nits though. the title is too obvious, and it doesn't say "this is an attempt at poetry" to me.
while a parable can be a story in verse or prose, this definitely has the feel of the latter. I suppose it could be called prose poetry, but not by me
that said, i enjoyed it, i loved the twist at the end. and the language used to convey a parable in the style of animal farm, in that one animal takes the role and personification of another to the extreme not exactly but it does have some of the same qualities. i also enjoyed that i wanted to read it to the end. whether i see it as poetry or not doesn't mean it is or it isn't. that you perceive it as such is what matters. that said, like all writers/poets who place their work on a plate for the public to taste, you have to ask yourself did you succeed in writing what you thought you wrote
thanks for the read.