07-17-2012, 01:13 PM
Leanne, this is pretty much impeccable.
Ready for my critique?? I can only quibble with one word. L10 - "and" I'm done. That syllable could be used to describe the temple. Temple is a strong enough trochee that you can put a pretty forceful word in front of it and still avoid sounding too much like a spondee. I see how the and fits into the larger sentence structure, but it's worth reviewing.
Oh, and I almost forgot... semicolon on line 11. Semi-colon then a "yet" seems suspect to me; yet I am not sure if it is wrong.
Ready for my critique?? I can only quibble with one word. L10 - "and" I'm done. That syllable could be used to describe the temple. Temple is a strong enough trochee that you can put a pretty forceful word in front of it and still avoid sounding too much like a spondee. I see how the and fits into the larger sentence structure, but it's worth reviewing.
Oh, and I almost forgot... semicolon on line 11. Semi-colon then a "yet" seems suspect to me; yet I am not sure if it is wrong.