06-26-2012, 01:15 PM
really quick, billy
nice flow and rhythm. the word choice was dramatic ("asunder?" really?
), but lends itself well to a topic like this. as pointed out, the meter for some reason takes a back seat at times in the last stanza.
in some ways, the third stanza strikes me as a little extra; it could be removed without really taking away from the piece and connecting the last stanza with the second more.
nice flow and rhythm. the word choice was dramatic ("asunder?" really?
), but lends itself well to a topic like this. as pointed out, the meter for some reason takes a back seat at times in the last stanza. in some ways, the third stanza strikes me as a little extra; it could be removed without really taking away from the piece and connecting the last stanza with the second more.
Written only for you to consider.