Llego Con Tres Heridas( I come with three wounds)

[tectak]

hey tec

edit1 Aish, addy, billy............quilt!

When I die, three wounds I bring.

I knew this when the days became the gaps in bedded nights.
Sweet dreaming into longer dawns beneath my comfort quilt,
to hide my eyes when stabbing light pierced bloodless in to shaded sight; ..that "bloodless" really is key. the phrasing is a bit dramatic, but consistent, which is helpful
I by the wound sustained was lost. The first cut is called guilt.

...interesting, relatable idea for mornings. well phrased. the "guilt" is taking me a bit to connect to, however, as well as the "lost". It strikes me as an episode of depression, or a reaction to something that the speaker did and regrets, perhaps because it isolated him/her

I knew this when the love I had, I lost to other’s schemes;
tight squeezed beneath entombing stone I breathed against the weight
of leaden tears, of pressured thoughts, of dense and airless dreams;
I by the wound sustained was crushed. The second cut is hate.

...again, dramatic touches to a relatable topic. well phrased

I knew this when I lost my mind and fell through thoughtless years;...I realize that the frame of reference for this piece, with respect to time, is general. However, "thoughltess years" felt too broad for me
No piton fixing me to rock, no cleft to take hold of,
I hurtled down the whistling void, colliding with my fears;
and by the wound sustained was freed. The last cut is called love.

...i like the finish, it is well done

I apologize for having little to offer for critique, but I wanted to show that I read and enjoyed it, tec

Hi phil. To continue this discourse. Blinded by guilt (John 9:41) is the route I was following
I thought the expression was more commonly known than is the case. Blinded by guilt makes the "lost", unable to see whereone is or where one is going, more plausible. As I oftimes say, I don't do complicated!
The sonnet is the same root with the same message. Guilt robs one of peace and sleep and blinds reason.
Incidentally, the original three wounds, in the song, were fatal, being love,hate and death.....I couldn't see death as a "wound" somehow, so I decided to go for the living death of love thwarted. Once I got hold of that it was just a matter of choosing the progression. Guilt followed by hate followed by the pain of love lost seemed apposite if not original
Best and thanks,
Tectak