Llego Con Tres Heridas( I come with three wounds)

[billy]

When I die, three wounds I bring.

I knew this when the days became the gaps in bedded nights.
Sweet dreaming into longer dawns became my comfort quilt, comfort quilt feels out of place, silly to say this i know but it feels to comforting
to turn back when the stabbing light pierced bloodless in to shaded sight;
I by the wound sustained was lost. The first cut is called guilt.
strong opener but not to strong apart from the quilt thing you have going on i really like it. the first cut ties in beautifully with the first line of gaps in bedded nights.

I knew this when the love I had, I lost to other’s schemes;
tight squeezed beneath entombing stone I breathed against the weight
of leaden tears, of pressured thoughts, of dense and airless dreams;
I by the wound sustained was crushed. The second cut is hate. no nits, not even small ones with this verse, again the tie in tween 1st and last work well.

I knew this when I lost my mind and fell through thoughtless years; i get the thoughtless years but i think this line needs more strength, a definitive article (what ever that is)
No piton fixing me to rock, no cleft to take hold of,
I hurtled down the whistling void, colliding with my fears;
and by the wound sustained was freed. The last cut is called love. a good last stanza but by looking at the 2nd again i think it needs something more than abstract thoughts. that said i did enjoy it a lot and maybe i'm being a little too picky with it.


Tectak
1971

Inspired by a Joan Baez song at the important end of the sixties. Included now as there seems to be a trend toward cool sounding foreign phrases in titles.

i said most of what i thought by the body of the poem.
i'm glad you put the translation up, not having to google titles make me smile. an overall feel towards the poem is one of excellent. like everything it could be rearranged, i'm wondering (only wondering mind) what the effect would be if you started with love and end with hate.
i never noticed the rhyme scheme which i'm told is a good thing (something i agree with) i just read it again and i think this is great effort, one of your best. one i would steal and put my name on if i thought people would believe i'd wrote it

thanks for the read.