The Flood

[billy]

V. 3 adjustments based on suggestions by billy, addy, and penguin


Flood


A glance through the window frames
the exodus beneath the apartment; (would an exodus work better?) much better start so the edits already an improvement.

pupae and queen hoisted
above soldiers and drones, i think above would be better on the line....above, using something else to start the 2nd line, as it is it's a bit ambiguous as to who's above who

scattering in files a sort of (orderly scatter)
from sculpted caves sculpted feels to arty, as a suggestion how about artisanal or some such word to show they're builders/craftsmen/craftants.termites/etc

for higher ground, i'm not sure this part on of the edit works as well as it should.
a hollow handrail, feels weak as it stands

a lifeless palm.
A colony in reach

of strands of sun
waits for rain to pass

and water to lower
like a bridge. See them

through the pane
embracing the same storm

with blinds open as daylight
fumes into grey and into black.

from couple 4 onwards it feels a little tow weak and disjointed. i can see the edits unfolding as i did with the yellow jacket poem. my real suggestion would be to make it more accessible to us, you already have a clear picture of what's happening, what you have to do is let us in on the picture as well.

thanks for the edit.