Touch Me

[tectak]

Touch me or I’ll scream
And imbed you skull in the headboard your
Because I am aching just to feel
Your violence upon my skin disconnected cause and effect works in visual farce but is noticeably uncomfortable in pros, or indeed, in any written piece. You are going to repeat this "technique" , I just know it!
When your indifference
Leaves me cold and sore and wanting
Can’t you feel the heat of my desire?See. "When you" and "can't you" are not of the same order in that "when" is an expression of time and "can" or "can't" is an expression of ability or desire. 3rd person versus 1st person. So "Why can't you feel the heat...b"
Look me in the goddamn face!
And tell me you don’t want me
I still have the scars
Of the last time we fucked
The way your nails felt
As you raked them down my back
Leaving bloody trails
That heightened my pleasure
And I breathed your name
In need for more. Last 6 lines read with good grouping; but though punctuation is just one if the abandoned requirements in the height of passion the lack does little to hold the altitude.

And it’s been months Some may say too many "and"'s. Not me. Applies to whole piece
Since you told me you loved me
Your eyes wandering over
Other girls when we go out
And I’m sorry I’m not tall
And blonde and supermodel hot
Though you used to make me feel
Beautiful and wanted, like I was special
Unable to resist touching me
A finger curled around mine, a kiss
On the back of my neck
Hand sliding cheekily up my thigh The last lines since the last comment are an extended cliché. If I hadn't written this before you I can think of many who have. It is probably more correct to say it is eclectic. I remember buses
While we rode the bus
Just to tease me
While we sat, unseen by those
That would highly disapprove
As I’d pull my hat down over my face
To hide the flush that crept there
As I melded myself to your fingertips exploring excellent. MELD. To join as in alloying rather than by adherence. A difficult concept of fingered fanny from another perspective. Usually glue in my experience
There way up under my skirt. there or their?
And I want you to fuck me
Like you hate me, with all
The pretense of love you can muster
Just one last time
Before I light your clothes on fire
Along with g-string I found
In your coat pocket I think this was once on East Enders. Or Neighbours. No. Not neighbours
That I know doesn’t belong to me
And I’m staring at your indifference
Longing just to reach out and kiss you
Hard and deep and painful
Your hands tangling in my hair
As you pull my head back
To kiss down my neck as you push
Me back down on the bed
To explore me with your lips
Your tongue, gentle fingertips
And sharp nails, taking control
Owning my body and claiming it
As yours, just like the first time
When we made love, in your mother’s bed
While she was out on a date
And I came so hard, I almost passed out.

Instead I watch you watching the TV
Greasy fingers in a packet of Doritos
Oh, for fucks sake... just touch me!
I’m begging telepathically
For you to just fucking touch me
Because I am going to scream
And imbed your skull in the headboard
While I, instead, throw the lamp at the wall
And you call me a crazy bitch, as you get up
To turn out the light, and switch off the TV
Snoring beside me within minutes
And I breathe a sigh of sick relief
While I remove my panties
And get myself off to the thought
Of strangling you in your sleep
With your mistress’s underwear
When all I really wanted
Was for you to touch me one last time
And make me scream in all the right waysthe rest of above is titillatory but not new. Why does it have to be new? It doesn't. I believe you had this one in you and it had to come out. You may have used all your bullets (or orgasms) in this one fuck-fest but time will tell.
Overall, a good run at a sheet of glass. You either break through with this one or you bounce back. Either way, you will be remembered as a trier. On one level you should leave it completely alone in all it's starkness and risk it being categorised as no more than rewrite of indie-sent proposal. You will resist editing......until much later........when you will probably become a cougar. Can't wait.
Best,
Tectak


...For you, just like you used to do.

S