Hi pp (passionate poet) great to see your first poem.
a couple of pointers for you to think about.;
back to front lines can feel poetical but all too often don't really work that well unless it's a period piece
I wander carefully past the old house. really does work a lot better under most circumstances.
sometimes less is best, cut out what you can and leave what you can't.
ie;
This path I take, like a memory
Etched in my mind for eternity
i notice you have a lot of caps yet no periods? always best for a budding poet to use grammar, the rules can always be jettisoned once we know how to use them.
as for the poem. the content has a solid core to work with should you wish to do an edit. i'm sure others will try and help by mentioning a few more ideas for you to utilise should you so wish. lot's of potential.
thanks for the read.
billy