04-13-2012, 05:16 PM
I believe the taboo this comes closest to is not exactly rape, but necrophilia? At least that's how I read it. As was already pointed out, there's definitely an element of hyper-objectification, and your POV and the way you wrote it suggests a rather cerebral approach to the subject rather than an emotional one. Not to say that cerebral can't be visceral if done right, and I think there is definitely room to make the action more visceral than it is at the moment.
One way I could think of is to make it a first person POV (of the agressor), and then screw it up a little more by casting the audience in the "passive body" role, deliberately reducing them. It automatically highlights why the extreme passiveness of the female image should be disconcerting (as you said you wished to portray).... Of course, writing it like that might be way uncomfortable for you, so it's just one suggestion
One way I could think of is to make it a first person POV (of the agressor), and then screw it up a little more by casting the audience in the "passive body" role, deliberately reducing them. It automatically highlights why the extreme passiveness of the female image should be disconcerting (as you said you wished to portray).... Of course, writing it like that might be way uncomfortable for you, so it's just one suggestion
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?