Hi Rob,
I love the first line though it could also serve as a title.
The rest of this though doesn't really hold together for me. You have the first four lines serving as a build up and then the payoff doesn't satisfy. L1-3 seem like they could be workable. I'm not enamored with the ferryman. It's just a little too common of an image for death. It also feels misplaced as you seem to wanting to point to renewal or rebirth. The final two lines just don't seem like enough of a revelation. I want the poem to hit harder than it currently does. Good concept I just don't think you've found your conclusion yet.
Best,
Todd
I love the first line though it could also serve as a title.
The rest of this though doesn't really hold together for me. You have the first four lines serving as a build up and then the payoff doesn't satisfy. L1-3 seem like they could be workable. I'm not enamored with the ferryman. It's just a little too common of an image for death. It also feels misplaced as you seem to wanting to point to renewal or rebirth. The final two lines just don't seem like enough of a revelation. I want the poem to hit harder than it currently does. Good concept I just don't think you've found your conclusion yet.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson