Dreadnought (A Re-Write)

[Erthona]

Soft on the road like a tumbleweed,
through the thick mass of pines, I'd start with this
down by the river I rambled.

In the light of this new day
there are no barking dogs (were)
and men with torches-- nor men with...
only sunny knolls for me to top.

A shack, fenced by the trees,
hidden-- until the moment his gun barked.

His scent whispered through like a resin kiss (delete kiss)
loud enough that he surely had heard. (heard what, you playing his guitar?)
In rough-spun and waders,
he gave no sign . . . he put the gun
away and made supper.

I am likeable enough when I've eaten.

I almost heard him once (once what?)
when he was retracing his steps
through the years,
but then my stomach began to growl
and it drowned him
in blood.

I could only tell with my eyes closed. ????

When he started trying to impress me,
I knew he would expose me if he could. ???????????

He stood up and belched out guffaws
saying once he had run with outlaws
barely escaping with his life
more than once.
He never beat his chest with his fists,
only with his mouth. nice line

If they knew what he knew, I couldn't take my time. ????????? Who???

We sat on his bed,
I dreamed of the very near future
in specific detail. Each layer sprinkled
with his incessant babbling. don't get the point

He played a song for me.
I annoyed him when I scratched the strings.
While he played, for the first time
I heard him clearly. (?????)

His hand brushed my leg;
we tried not to notice.

He was done with me then.
My disinterest had burned his mouth shut
so he guarded the beans,
sullen. (sullenly)

He would be tough, but I have strong teeth.

I was out of my chair
when he was still grumbling.
Careful aim
congratulated his face (????) corrugated?
with the old box guitar. (you can leave out this line)

Sadly, the dreadnaught was completely ruined.

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Mark,

I have to agree that there is a lot of extraneous material in the first part of this that causes confusion more than anything else. At first I thought it was the KKK. I think you need to be a little more direct/clear with what you are saying. some of this, even in retrospect makes little sense.

Dale