Batteries Not Included

[Philatone]

V. 3 cut down on some images


If the dog were less stubborn
he, too, would survive the rain

when we stay inside -
our rounds down to the stop sign
postponed like little else
in his routine.

I think the heap,
scratching the wood off
the door and howling, needs

an adapter to plug him into the wall,
remove for some company on the porch
and charge at night.

He could be left alone
all weekend without having to worry
about bathroom breaks
or how the house will change

with bite marks on the couch,
an odor in the bedroom
and a set of teeth at the door,
begging for an answer.




V. 2 thanks to dale and rob
S. 5 inverted
minor word changes

If the dog were less stubborn
he, too, would survive

hours of inattention,
a few days without a cup of food
rolled into a bowel,

a week of play
without the trouble of sleep

or guided tours of the block
with their pauses at the stop sign.

I think the heap nestled at my feet, panting
needs batteries,

an adapter to plug him into the wall,
remove for some company on the porch
and charge at night.

He could be left alone
all weekend without having to worry
about bathroom breaks, restless legs
or how the house will change

with bite marks on the couch,
an odor in the bedroom
and a set of teeth at the door,
begging for an answer.




note: thanks to billy, removed "the" from S. 4

batteries not included

If the dog were less stubborn
he, too, would survive

hours of inattention,
a few days without a cup of food
rolled into a bowel,

a week of play
without the trouble of sleep

or guided tours of the block
with their pauses at the stop sign.

I think we need batteries
for the heap nestled at my feet, panting;

an adapter to plug him into the wall,
remove for some company on the porch
and charge at night.

Sometimes, he could be left alone
all weekend without having to worry
about bathroom breaks, restless legs
and how the house will change

with bite marks on the couch,
an odor in the bedroom
and a set of teeth at the door,
begging for an answer.

[Roy Hobbs]

Being a farm-man, I love dogs-- keep the
copperheads away, salesmen, women who
in nondescript want to talk Jehova
Witness.

The narrator's lazy, fat beagle probably
has liver cancer-- so I hope he takes
time for a little love.

Sympathies for the dog, understanding for
the narrator, 'hoorays' for the poet.
rh

[popeye]

Loved this one Geoff, I've had dogs for most of my life and I reckon they take up more time and energy than children, cheers!

[billy]

If the dog were less stubborn
he, too, would survive

hours of inattention,
a few days without a cup of food
rolled into a bowel,

a week of play
without the trouble of sleep

or the guided tours of the block is 'the' needed
with their pauses at the stop sign.

I think we need batteries
for the heap nestled at my feet, panting; love this couplet

an adapter to plug him into the wall,
remove for some company on the porch
and charge at night.

Sometimes, he could be left alone
all weekend without having to worry
about bathroom breaks, restless legs
and how the house will change

with bite marks on the couch,
an odor in the bedroom 'odor' is that the yankee spelling?
and a set of teeth at the door, hehe, i know it's not constructive but it was a funny line
begging for an answer.

nothing to really give constructive feedback on for me except to say the piece works, the dog man relationship is shown fully and lovingly.
thanks for the read

[Philatone]

roy
thanks for the cheers. have to admit to being more of a cat lover (i blame growing up near too many rottweilers and dobermans), but i hope that bias isn't overly shown. my girlfriend's dog is wonderful. glad you could connect to the piece

popeye
thanks for the time! glad you enjoyed; i don't imagine either to be a walk in the park. sorry for the pun. i'll go now.

billy
good eyes on the article; missed it when I was trimming myself. don't be knocking on my stateside spelling! i'm glad you enjoyed; thanks for taking the time to read

[Erthona]

note: thanks to billy, removed "the" from S. 4

batteries not included

If the dog were less stubborn
he, too, would survive

hours of inattention,
a few days without a cup of food
rolled into a bowel, (don't get this)

a week of play
without the trouble of sleep

or guided tours of the block
with their pauses at the stop sign. (is with their)

I think we need batteries
(I think the heap nestled at my feet, panting, needs batteries)
for the heap nestled at my feet, panting;

an adapter to plug him into the wall,
remove for some company on the porch
and charge at night. (then of an)

Sometimes, he could be left alone (then for sometimes)
all weekend without having to worry
about bathroom breaks, restless legs
and how the house will change (or instead of and)

with bite marks on the couch, (no for with)
an odor in the bedroom
and a set of teeth at the door, (don't get "set of teeth")
begging for an answer.

I'm thinking or insistent scratching at the door, begging for an answer.



Dale

[only rob]

I'm a dog person, and quite enjoyed this. My single quibble is the "set of teeth at the door" For me, a set of nails or some such would work better, but I'm not a qualified critic, so feel free to write this off as subjective.

Really a fun morning read.

[Philatone]

dale
-thanks for the little nits; much appreciated. I wasn't sure about the "is with their" comment; could you give me an example? I'm going to re-examine that "batteries" and "nestled" stanza as I like your suggestion and will play with it, as well as a number of the smaller word recommendations. I'll consider changing the "set of teeth," but I wanted something a bit more aggressive. again, thanks for the time

rob
-thanks for the feedback! I'm glad a dog person can enjoy; my girlfriend wasn't as happy. as I said for dale, I wanted something a bit more aggressive than just nails for the ending, but i'll definitely consider an alternative. appreciate your time.