02-21-2010, 07:50 PM
Lovely poem, Larry. Just have a few minor comments. Is there any reason you'd be calling your dreams a 'massed platoon of pebbles'? To me it sounds like a randomly aggressive image, since you're not talking about dreams in the context of any kind of figurative conflict or war... so maybe a more benign metaphor would work better. Also I think the ending could be developed, more, to some kind of conclusion. You wondered about the size and shape of your own dreams, then about the size and shape of the dreams of others... you wonder, "should dreams be as grand as they?". I'd like to be told more of your insight on that comparison.
These comments are just a matter of opinion though; and as the author, you can cherry pick the whichever ones help you best. Again, thanks for the poem. Your posts are always refreshing
These comments are just a matter of opinion though; and as the author, you can cherry pick the whichever ones help you best. Again, thanks for the poem. Your posts are always refreshing
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?