and be my home

[billy]

Will you be my home,
so that I'm not alone,
when my time comes to die?
I’ll have no family by my side,
to offer comfort and hold my hand. line 1 to 5 feel very weak, l1,2, feel really weak( yes, there is a difference)
My parents have long been in their graves;
neither have I siblings alive to ask for aid.
My wife went on long before, i like your poetry Dale, but so far it just feels like a list poem come begging letter
and children I once had are now no more.
When I stand at the entrance of death’s door, feels cliche
will you succor me; be my last refuge, is succor an american spelling
the vultures then to disabuse,
as I lie helpless in my bed, solid cliche
keep them from picking at my head?
I will give you all I own,
for this simply act alone:
let me lie among familiar things,
for the comfort that it brings,
and be my home?

©2012 –Erthona

Note:

From a series of poems on death and dying, along with "The Final Hour".

wow, i say that because this is so different for the dale i've previously read. it feels monotonous . i do like the title, which for me is it's saving grace, i think if you added some solid images it would lift the piece. what i did notice is the word choices for the start of each sentence feels very weak; i'm being honest and not unkind. as i've said, i'm a big fan of your poetry but i do think this one needs a solid edit. jmo.