and be my home

[Philatone]

ey dale
some thoughts to consider

Will you be my home, ...really like the opening; i think it grants you a lot of possibilities and interpretations
so that I'm not alone, ....not a fan of the comma..or even the one in the line above
when my time comes to die?
I’ll have no family by my side,
to offer comfort and hold my hand....maybe key information, but the way it is presented is rather direct; I have similar sentiments for the next few lines as well
My parents have long been in their graves;
neither have I siblings alive to ask for aid.
My wife went on long before,
and children I once had are now no more....this line felt like a little clunky flow-wise. the phrase "I once had are now" is the culprit I think
When I stand at the entrance of death’s door,...I wanted a more refreshing image. also, to me, "entrance of death's door" felt a bit redundant
will you succor me; be my last refuge,
the vultures then to disabuse, ...I like the image of the vultures, but the rhyme felt forced because the wording strikes me as unnatural
as I lie helpless in my bed,
keep them from picking at my head?...I wanted this line to be closer to the vulture image, instead of being distanced by a line or two. I think swapping it with the line above could help
I will give you all I own,
for this simply act alone: ...."simply" or "simple"?
let me lie among familiar things,
for the comfort that it brings,
and be my home?

©2012 –Erthona

Note:

From a series of poems on death and dying, along with "The Final Hour".

I read the explanation you offered to tectak and regretted it. If there is some intention about avoiding a hospital or something of that sort, then I think mentioning it more strongly--whether directly or through metaphor--could work wonders. The closest clue I found was "lie among familiar things", or perhaps even "I lie helpless in my bed" (though that is more of a stretch in terms of specifying a place)

I see a backbone of a poem, but I think it puts too much meat in the wrong places (e.g., maybe a few too many lines describing dead family members--I think the point came across much sooner) and not enough in others.