02-18-2012, 05:31 AM
This addition:
no door to open grandfather's room
in Cleveland, where a bed
lifted with the last drop of breath,
and the news
fills telephone lines.
brought a lot of clarity. We know what the call was about. It also adds a nuance to reflection at the end the child a reflection of the father.
Effective changes. Solid rewrite.
no door to open grandfather's room
in Cleveland, where a bed
lifted with the last drop of breath,
and the news
fills telephone lines.
brought a lot of clarity. We know what the call was about. It also adds a nuance to reflection at the end the child a reflection of the father.
Effective changes. Solid rewrite.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson