Unclichéd Valentine

[tectak]

Unclichéd Valentine
I lie awake, dream on my love. Boiling in me, fizzing salts;
Inflate my world with pressured joy. Stay in my thoughts.
The font endowed by me for you? Verdana, love in bold and blue.

Yet love, my love, my twenty point, never backspaced though you've faults.
Aspartamed, my waking space is. Artificial some may say. For you I fought
And won this right, to choose the typeface. Now I shall make verse of you.

No cliché will the judges see; fresh words will endlessly exalt.
On Turkish linen, in papyrus, words in black phenolic ink. I have bought
For you to gaze on, a Valentine with love renewed.

Tectak
Valentine's day.
2012

[Leanne]

I do love the idea of fighting for the right to choose a typeface... if only Churchill had thought of using that exhortation, he'd have had the war in no time and wouldn't have the yanks claiming responsibility for it

I can't get the fizzing salts out of my head now though... makes me think you're in love with magnesium sulfate!

[tectak]

I do love the idea of fighting for the right to choose a typeface... if only Churchill had thought of using that exhortation, he'd have had the war in no time and wouldn't have the yanks claiming responsibility for it

I can't get the fizzing salts out of my head now though... makes me think you're in love with magnesium sulfate!

Hi Leanne,
I may have stuck this valentine card in the wrong letterbox! I had just read an old posting by someone to someone suggesting that it was near impossible to compose a love poem avoiding clichés. It is.
Best,
Tectak

[Erthona]

That was me that said it is nearly impossible to do so. I always say that before I tear apart some god awful Christopher Marlow imitator (and of course his original was god awful also).

Tectak,

I admire your stalwart attempt at a clichés-less love poem, although some of your images leave something to be desired, but by God, one can't fault you for lack of originality. It is leagues above the efforts of the lovelorn writers of sophomoronic Hallmarkisms that appear to be the love infested's insult of choice, that and that God-awful pedantic dogmatic religiosity they refer to as religious poetry. Somehow, the first stanza recalled to me the image of the stay puff marshmallow man from Ghost Busters. Nice play on font, and fount. Although somewhat awkward "never backspaced though you've faults" is a nice line/image. I'm not sure how you get "On Turkish linen, in papyrus" to work,unless you mean the font "papyrus"? I see we have revisited your self manufactured "phenolic ink" to give a nice soaking of bile at the end, something no love poem should be without For some reason the poem reminds me of one of Poe's romantic tales...I wonder why that is?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I love you like cottage cheese,
let me count the wheys! err clichés

Stay in my thoughts
Yet love,
For you I fought
with love renewed.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"yanks claiming responsibility for it"

Hey, we only claim responsibility for pulling the Frenchies cookies out of the fire, which we now realize was a mistake.
We realized that when we got to Paris and saw that the French had planted trees up and down the Champ Elysees so the German's could march in the shade as they conquered them.


Dale

[tectak]

I do love the idea of fighting for the right to choose a typeface... if only Churchill had thought of using that exhortation, he'd have had the war in no time and wouldn't have the yanks claiming responsibility for it

I can't get the fizzing salts out of my head now though... makes me think you're in love with magnesium sulfate!

Fizzing salts....health salts like alka-seltzer....make you feel better, pick you up....swollen or inflated (not deflated), full of love, bloated, pumped up,loved up.Font for fountain, gushing. (Good ol' erthona). Typeface, your face, I choose but fight for my choice. Never backspaced, never changed, unconditional love. I could go on....but won't. Churchill had no romance in him!
Best and thanks,
Tectak

[billy]

Unclichéd Valentine
I lie awake, dream on my love. Boiling in me, fizzing salts;
Inflate my world with pressured joy. Stay in my thoughts.
The font endowed by me for you? Verdana, love in bold and blue. i love this line, she's not like my lucinda

Yet love, my love, my twenty point, never backspaced though you've faults. (like a double space between though and you've)
Aspartined, my waking space is. Artificial some may say. For you I fought
And won this right, to choose the typeface. Now I shall make verse of you.
No cliché will the judges see; fresh words will endlessly exalt.
On Turkish linen, in papyrus, words in black phenolic ink. I have bought
For you to gaze on, a Valentine with love renewed.

Tectak
Valentine's day.
2012

bugger, i actually google; uncliched valentine, poem expecting to have a gazillion with the same title, alas i were thwarted in my attempt to say, The titles a bit cliche.
not a lot to if anything to suggest, apart from, change the font .
it's definitely original for me, with an unobtrusive rhyme scheme.

thanks for the read

[tectak]

Unclichéd Valentine
I lie awake, dream on my love. Boiling in me, fizzing salts;
Inflate my world with pressured joy. Stay in my thoughts.
The font endowed by me for you? Verdana, love in bold and blue. i love this line, she's not like my lucinda

Yet love, my love, my twenty point, never backspaced though you've faults. (like a double space between though and you've)
Aspartined, my waking space is. Artificial some may say. For you I fought
And won this right, to choose the typeface. Now I shall make verse of you.
No cliché will the judges see; fresh words will endlessly exalt.
On Turkish linen, in papyrus, words in black phenolic ink. I have bought
For you to gaze on, a Valentine with love renewed.

Tectak
Valentine's day.
2012

bugger, i actually google; uncliched valentine, poem expecting to have a gazillion with the same title, alas i were thwarted in my attempt to say, The titles a bit cliche.
not a lot to if anything to suggest, apart from, change the font .
it's definitely original for me, with an unobtrusive rhyme scheme.

thanks for the read

Yippeeee to that google.....unclichédvalentine.com? Any bids? Oh,and for erthona if he strays this way again, sterling banknotes used linen fibres (lint) for a long time. It was a hallmark of the paper....er papyrus.

---

That was me that said it is nearly impossible to do so. I always say that before I tear apart some god awful Christopher Marlow imitator (and of course his original was god awful also).

Tectak,

I admire your stalwart attempt at a clichés-less love poem, although some of your images leave something to be desired, but by God, one can't fault you for lack of originality. It is leagues above the efforts of the lovelorn writers of sophomoronic Hallmarkisms that appear to be the love infested's insult of choice, that and that God-awful pedantic dogmatic religiosity they refer to as religious poetry. Somehow, the first stanza recalled to me the image of the stay puff marshmallow man from Ghost Busters. Nice play on font, and fount. Although somewhat awkward "never backspaced though you've faults" is a nice line/image. I'm not sure how you get "On Turkish linen, in papyrus" to work,unless you mean the font "papyrus"? I see we have revisited your self manufactured "phenolic ink" to give a nice soaking of bile at the end, something no love poem should be without For some reason the poem reminds me of one of Poe's romantic tales...I wonder why that is?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I love you like cottage cheese,
let me count the wheys! err clichés

Stay in my thoughts
Yet love,
For you I fought
with love renewed.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"yanks claiming responsibility for it"

Hey, we only claim responsibility for pulling the Frenchies cookies out of the fire, which we now realize was a mistake.
We realized that when we got to Paris and saw that the French had planted trees up and down the Champ Elysees so the German's could march in the shade as they conquered them.


Dale

I really enjoyed this critique. You deserve an erratum. The turkish linen was used in counterfeit gbp banknotes during Operation Bernhard 1945. I had heard it somewhere but you prompted me to research it in a little more depth. "Turkish linen,in papyrus" was an attempt to indicate expensive paper. Apparently the real banknotes used any old rags!
How I love this country!
Best,
Tectak

[Philatone]

some quick thoughts, tec

Unclichéd Valentine
I lie awake, dream on my love. Boiling in me, fizzing salts; ...part of me thought the second half of the line made for a stronger opening (it's a great image); I wanted the first half of the line somewhere else in the stanza, because I think it's fitting considering the topic, but I think it best serves as a complement to the stanza, rather than its starting remarks
Inflate my world with pressured joy. Stay in my thoughts.
The font endowed by me for you? Verdana, love in bold and blue. ...really liked this close

Yet love, my love, my twenty point, never backspaced though you've faults.
Aspartamed, my waking space is. Artificial some may say. For you I fought
And won this right, to choose the typeface. Now I shall make verse of you....enjoyed this stanza

No cliché will the judges see; fresh words will endlessly exalt.
On Turkish linen, in papyrus, words in black phenolic ink. I have bought
For you to gaze on, a Valentine with love renewed. ..."renewed" takes on so much weight for the piece and concept, great word choice

Tectak
Valentine's day.
2012

comments few and far between, but I hope they find you well

[tectak]

some quick thoughts, tec

Unclichéd Valentine
I lie awake, dream on my love. Boiling in me, fizzing salts; ...part of me thought the second half of the line made for a stronger opening (it's a great image); I wanted the first half of the line somewhere else in the stanza, because I think it's fitting considering the topic, but I think it best serves as a complement to the stanza, rather than its starting remarks
Inflate my world with pressured joy. Stay in my thoughts.
The font endowed by me for you? Verdana, love in bold and blue. ...really liked this close

Yet love, my love, my twenty point, never backspaced though you've faults.
Aspartamed, my waking space is. Artificial some may say. For you I fought
And won this right, to choose the typeface. Now I shall make verse of you....enjoyed this stanza

No cliché will the judges see; fresh words will endlessly exalt.
On Turkish linen, in papyrus, words in black phenolic ink. I have bought
For you to gaze on, a Valentine with love renewed. ..."renewed" takes on so much weight for the piece and concept, great word choice

Tectak
Valentine's day.
2012

comments few and far between, but I hope they find you well
Many thanks for your comments. I do believe you have a valid point in S1 but I tried to nail the awakeness at the start. Lying awake is invariably due to a physical discomfort, and your imagination can fill in the details..or a mental state of some anguish. Our man is in love with love and so is prompted to voice his thoughts as a release......release: the expulsion of substance under pressure, the collapse of an anguished state into equilibrium. So, he lies awake and this is why.
I will still try a reversal. It may open up a new train of thought. This is probably too short a piece to establish intent and so the title is absolutely necessary......it is a pain to write under a self-imposed restriction,I.e. no clichés in this case, and the longer it gets the harder it gets. Make something out of that oh ye critics of critics
Best,
Tectak

[Erthona]

Billy,

"Oh,and for erthona if he strays this way again, sterling banknotes used linen fibres (lint) for a long time. It was a hallmark of the paper....er papyrus."

Thank you for your concern on my lack of education, but actually neither papyrus nor linen are paper. Paper is oft times said to have a linen pattern imprinted on it, thus giving it the straight line appearance of linen. And while I might consider allowing the generic association of papyrus with paper, the phrase disallows it, "On Turkish linen, in papyrus", as it notes a very specific type of linen, "Turkish linen", which as you know generally refer to handmade cloth from flax used as such things as bath towels, or rugs, akin to silk in its texture. Papyrus on the other hand is a thick and barely bendable material with a rough texture. Plus with the comma following linen, causes one to read the line like one would read "On rag bond, in Ariel", thus my comments, which as you can see now were somewhat tongue in cheek. However thank you for enlightening me that the Brits printed money on linen. I have seen this with other currencies, especially those in warm weather countries, which of course makes sense, but I was unaware that the BE had ever done so. Then again, as I have never held a single British pound in my hands this is not surprising. Evidently there is some rule that prohibits them from leaving the country.

Dale

[tectak]

Billy,

"Oh,and for erthona if he strays this way again, sterling banknotes used linen fibres (lint) for a long time. It was a hallmark of the paper....er papyrus."

Thank you for your concern on my lack of education, but actually neither papyrus nor linen are paper. Paper is oft times said to have a linen pattern imprinted on it, thus giving it the straight line appearance of linen. And while I might consider allowing the generic association of papyrus with paper, the phrase disallows it, "On Turkish linen, in papyrus", as it notes a very specific type of linen, "Turkish linen", which as you know generally refer to handmade cloth from flax used as such things as bath towels, or rugs, akin to silk in its texture. Papyrus on the other hand is a thick and barely bendable material with a rough texture. Plus with the comma following linen, causes one to read the line like one would read "On rag bond, in Ariel", thus my comments, which as you can see now were somewhat tongue in cheek. However thank you for enlightening me that the Brits printed money on linen. I have seen this with other currencies, especially those in warm weather countries, which of course makes sense, but I was unaware that the BE had ever done so. Then again, as I have never held a single British pound in my hands this is not surprising. Evidently there is some rule that prohibits them from leaving the country.

Dale

---

Billy,

"Oh,and for erthona if he strays this way again, sterling banknotes used linen fibres (lint) for a long time. It was a hallmark of the paper....er papyrus."

Thank you for your concern on my lack of education, but actually neither papyrus nor linen are paper. Paper is oft times said to have a linen pattern imprinted on it, thus giving it the straight line appearance of linen. And while I might consider allowing the generic association of papyrus with paper, the phrase disallows it, "On Turkish linen, in papyrus", as it notes a very specific type of linen, "Turkish linen", which as you know generally refer to handmade cloth from flax used as such things as bath towels, or rugs, akin to silk in its texture. Papyrus on the other hand is a thick and barely bendable material with a rough texture. Plus with the comma following linen, causes one to read the line like one would read "On rag bond, in Ariel", thus my comments, which as you can see now were somewhat tongue in cheek. However thank you for enlightening me that the Brits printed money on linen. I have seen this with other currencies, especially those in warm weather countries, which of course makes sense, but I was unaware that the BE had ever done so. Then again, as I have never held a single British pound in my hands this is not surprising. Evidently there is some rule that prohibits them from leaving the country.

Dale

The continuity of this thread has gone to pot. It was I, tectak, who proffered the erroneus info on the gbp banknote followed by an erratum, to erthona, almost immediately. Google the Bernhard operation 1945.
I have, contrarywise, had first hand contact with papyrus, in a roll, purchasable, from an art supplier in Corfu last year. Though genuine in its material content it had the dubious benefit of modern (though greek) production. The material is crisp and certainly heavier than "paper" but it had a luxuriant feel and was quite smooth, but not smooth as I expected as no chalk is used in the production.
Best.
Tectak