Love Tat

[billy]

Billy

for me the 1st feels a little weak as an opening line
just a suggestion but would the open verse work better in this order;
L3
L4
L2
L1
i just thing "you had tommy ray splayed" is a great line and has lots of strength

It would have to be 3412, but it would need some tinkering. It also brings up it's own problems, although I do like "you had “Tommy Ray” splayed," as a first line. I think I will have to pay with that for a while at some future point.

Dale

some things are worthy of a higher price.
the tommy ray line is pretty much one of the best openers i could have read in a long while (had it been an opener)

i see what you mean about 3412 but it works like that or like 3421 for me.

to be honest most of any edit apart from the tommy ray line would be the difference between 4 sugars in your coffee or 5 it would take a really sweet tooth to notice the sweeter one.