01-06-2012, 07:56 PM
Made me laugh, anyway!
but, as a serious critic of poetry I would say the second line needs a rhythm tweak.
I can't give any alternatives! (and if you don't do a tweak - I reckon you need a possessive 's after tail)
You will be pleased with me. I looked up Nephilim! I also had to look up 'tail' - (I've led a sheltered life) What a strange word to use for a woman's genitals!!!
but, as a serious critic of poetry I would say the second line needs a rhythm tweak.
I can't give any alternatives! (and if you don't do a tweak - I reckon you need a possessive 's after tail)
You will be pleased with me. I looked up Nephilim! I also had to look up 'tail' - (I've led a sheltered life) What a strange word to use for a woman's genitals!!!