12-19-2011, 02:32 PM
Heslopian,
"Is "pleasurably" needed? The adjective feels cliche."
I think so in order to make the juxtaposition work. In the dream it is pleasurable, but in reality it is not. I do think this passage is awkward, but at the moment I don't know what to do with it; well, that is acceptable.
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"even though that “I” changes as quickly
as the surface of a fast moving stream. Is "fast moving" needed? Again it feels cliche."
I changed the quickly and the fast back and forth and this is where they ended up. It is cliche but so is the idea that one cannot step into a stream the same place twice, so... I don't really know how to change this and still retain the allusion.
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"You need a space after the ellipsis." Yes, yes I do!
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Billy,
"sadly i couldn't get into it enough to retain anything of it."
How strange. Out of all the existential writings, and also considering Hesse is German, "Siddhartha" has always struck me as reading almost like poetry, it has been Hesse's other works that have struck me as difficult. Of course none so difficult as Sartre's "Being in Nothingness". Not to cast aspersions, I just find it interesting how people respond to things. There are many so called "Masterworks" which I find a total yawn. It was not until my thirties that I began to enjoy Shakespeare, although I was completely enamored of William Blake by the time I was nineteen.
Dale
"Is "pleasurably" needed? The adjective feels cliche."
I think so in order to make the juxtaposition work. In the dream it is pleasurable, but in reality it is not. I do think this passage is awkward, but at the moment I don't know what to do with it; well, that is acceptable.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"even though that “I” changes as quickly
as the surface of a fast moving stream. Is "fast moving" needed? Again it feels cliche."
I changed the quickly and the fast back and forth and this is where they ended up. It is cliche but so is the idea that one cannot step into a stream the same place twice, so... I don't really know how to change this and still retain the allusion.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You need a space after the ellipsis." Yes, yes I do!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Billy,
"sadly i couldn't get into it enough to retain anything of it."
How strange. Out of all the existential writings, and also considering Hesse is German, "Siddhartha" has always struck me as reading almost like poetry, it has been Hesse's other works that have struck me as difficult. Of course none so difficult as Sartre's "Being in Nothingness". Not to cast aspersions, I just find it interesting how people respond to things. There are many so called "Masterworks" which I find a total yawn. It was not until my thirties that I began to enjoy Shakespeare, although I was completely enamored of William Blake by the time I was nineteen.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.