Kamala

[heslopian]

I dream of Kamala kissing me
with “lips like a freshly cut fig”,
while my life and breath are
pleasurably sucked out. Is "pleasurably" needed? The adjective feels cliche.
I awake in a panic, reaching out
with claw-like fingers as though
I could pull the air into my lungs
faster than my panicked muscles
are already trying to do. I really like this whole passage. It's very evocative and crisp.
Sometimes at night my anima wishes
to take more than her fair share,
or so thinks the “I” that I think of as me,
even though that “I” changes as quickly
as the surface of a fast moving stream. Is "fast moving" needed? Again it feels cliche.
I think this is why I cannot enjoy
the love she trades for my essence. Great sentence.
Nothing is free, not even within myself.
But the truth is, what really scares me,
is she shows me my impermanence,
for to fall into the stream of her love,
I must first embrace the idea that
I do not exist…but love is like that. You need a space after the ellipsis.

©2011 ~Erthona

This is an excellent poem. It feels very honed and concise. There's no waste. Thanks for the read, Erthona.