12-17-2011, 08:13 AM
hello rbl!
just some thoughts:
-the numerals attract attention, but I do like the divisions they create. I can feel time passing between
-great lines woven into here; the bees one is wonderful
-my favorite section is IV because the screaming disrupted me as well as the poem; such a dark thing in a poem that, while not exactly bright (what with the sniper, the hustling, etc), seemed rather mellow to say the least. not sure how I feel about the last line, however.
just some thoughts:
-the numerals attract attention, but I do like the divisions they create. I can feel time passing between
-great lines woven into here; the bees one is wonderful
-my favorite section is IV because the screaming disrupted me as well as the poem; such a dark thing in a poem that, while not exactly bright (what with the sniper, the hustling, etc), seemed rather mellow to say the least. not sure how I feel about the last line, however.
Written only for you to consider.