12-07-2011, 09:25 AM
I really like your take on this, Jack; your opening line was blunt, and it allowed me to shed preconceptions on what I was about to read (given that the myth is familiar) and let it wash over me as something new. The larger than life drama suddenly seems very, very fragile and human.
i don't really know how much feedback you're looking for in this
. The main thing I can suggest is to get rid of the first line of the third stanza; the metaphor between the narrator/daphne is very much obvious already, so it seems superfluous. Everything else is just a minor nit.
i don't really know how much feedback you're looking for in this
. The main thing I can suggest is to get rid of the first line of the third stanza; the metaphor between the narrator/daphne is very much obvious already, so it seems superfluous. Everything else is just a minor nit.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?