11-27-2011, 05:48 AM
Hello Karren, I think you have a good basic thread running through this poem (you've done me wrong and it hurt, but I deserve better and I'm going to get on with my life), but you're strangling it a bit with the rhyming couplets as they don't follow any meter, so the rhyme falls in very unnatural ways. You could probably fix it with some work, but at the end of the day you'd still be left with rhyming couplets and in a poem like this, that's a pretty cheesy form. My suggestion would be to go through each stanza, pick out the important parts (and since your poem does follow quite a natural progression, that shouldn't be too hard) and try rewriting as free verse with some imagery instead of simply saying everything straight out.
It could be worse