10-18-2011, 06:55 PM
Very well written in general. You are a clever writer. My only concern is that (to me) you overdo description.
"...I’m wasting in the bare light,
dissolving in the rain
streaming away my flesh"
Perhaps you could say more, with less words?
Only my opinion of course. Good luck with your work.
"...I’m wasting in the bare light,
dissolving in the rain
streaming away my flesh"
Perhaps you could say more, with less words?
Only my opinion of course. Good luck with your work.