10-13-2011, 05:29 PM
it feels inspirational, specially the 2nd verse. i don't think it needs "but" on it's 2nd line. as for the heart word. it works for me. the metaphor works through the verse to the last line. and the tile. a good rebirth poem. if i had one nit apart for the 'but' it would be 'stasis''' which for me would be solved 'A' in front of 'womb'
i've just read it again and it has more depth than first appears. (jmo) for me that's a sign of a good poem. wish i could have been more constructive
thanks for read.