10-05-2011, 09:26 AM
(10-04-2011, 06:15 PM)billy Wrote: I saw the prancing horses die at waters edge. "Water's"You need to edit the syntax a bit, but otherwise this is a very good poem. Pretty, picturesque, and with certain hidden depths, meanings.
With manes that tossed , they made me cry at water's edge.
And left my crystal tears, a sob to soak the sand. Should that be "me" instead of "my"?
To flood the ocean by and by, at water's edge. This sentence seems to be a conjunction of the first, so I think a comma should go after "sand".
The wind; I loved the salty spray it lifted high. I think a colon would be more appropriate there than a semi colon.
I closed my eyes, became the sky at water's edge.
When sulky clouds, through bellows, blow among the waves. "Blow" should be "blew".
The tremor from the sea, a sigh at water's edge.
Arizona! Rest at peace below the thoughts of men.
Of battleships beneath, that fly the water's edge.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe

