Pearl:

[billy]

Billy,

Your choice of words really brought a vivid images to mind. The repetition of the form ("at water's edge") first struck me as being very similar to the continuous crashing of waves against a shore-it really worked for me in setting the atmosphere.

"I closed my eyes, became the sky at water's edge."

What I'm going to say may not make sense, but this line reminded me of the line between an ocean and the horizon. The reason that is important to me is because it almost makes me feel that by becoming the sky at this position, you also almost become a part of the water and therefore the whole area. Now, I probably took that way farther than intended, but I did enjoy the feeling.

I also like the contrast between horses and battleships to respectively open and close the poem. It almost combines centuries for me. The last stanza also intrigues me with its "at peace," turning it into a location.

The only thing that stuck to me was the adjective "crystal" to describe tears. I did not get a great sense of freshness from it personally.

I'm sorry my comments are sporadic, but to put it all altogether, I have few negatives to say now, and a lot of praise for the imagery.

fair enough on the crystal, i'll ponder how to change that as well as the sort out the meter in the penultimate line. thanks for taking the time to read and leave feedback. what you said about the horizon made a lot of sense