Pearl:
#2
Hi Billy,
   A ghazal! And it is so well done too. I had a hard time writing one of these, but you have written two good ones that I've seen. Way to be dedicated, I haven't even tried again yet. Big Grin

(10-04-2011, 06:15 PM)billy Wrote:  I saw the prancing horses die at waters edge.
With manes that tossed , they made me cry at water's edge.

And left my crystal tears, a sob to soak the sand.
To flood the ocean by and by, at water's edge.

The wind; I loved the salty spray it lifted high.
I closed my eyes, became the sky at water's edge.

When sulky clouds, through bellows, blow among the waves.
The tremor from the sea, a sigh at water's edge.

Arizona! Rest at peace below the thoughts of men. --this is the only line where the meter changes. 'AR-i-ZONa! REST at PEACE beLOW the THOUGHTS of MEN.' I count seven stresses. to make it the same as the rest might look like: 'Oh, Arizona! Rest below the thoughts of men.' Of course you would lose 'at peace' which I like a lot. If you do start it Trochaic, you would have to compensate with an extra unstressed syllable, but 'Arizona' is set up in iambic stresses, so there wouldn't be an opportunity to 'insert' like : 'DUM da da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM' so that there remains six stresses in the line. And keep in mind that I may have it all wrong too :p
Of battleships beneath, that fly the water's edge.
Other than the one line, I really liked all of it. Great job, Billy. Thanks for sharing.
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Messages In This Thread
Pearl: - by billy - 10-04-2011, 06:15 PM
RE: Pearl: - by Wildcard - 10-04-2011, 11:05 PM
RE: Pearl: - by billy - 10-05-2011, 05:37 AM
RE: Pearl: - by Philatone - 10-05-2011, 04:20 AM
RE: Pearl: - by billy - 10-05-2011, 05:41 AM
RE: Pearl: - by Ca ne fait rien - 10-05-2011, 05:56 AM
RE: Pearl: - by billy - 10-05-2011, 09:23 AM
RE: Pearl: - by Todd - 10-05-2011, 07:01 AM
RE: Pearl: - by heslopian - 10-05-2011, 09:26 AM
RE: Pearl: - by billy - 10-05-2011, 10:22 AM
RE: Pearl: - by billy - 10-05-2011, 09:30 AM
RE: Pearl: - by heslopian - 10-05-2011, 09:50 AM
RE: Pearl: - by Leanne - 10-06-2011, 05:29 AM
RE: Pearl: - by billy - 10-06-2011, 05:54 AM



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