For K

[abu nuwas]

Edward, this is spectacular. Your opening lines are powerful, the direct address to Grief sets the tone of the poem so that we know the nostalgic wanderings of the next few stanzas are going to end with despair or tragedy. This is echoed in the final stanza, addressing K, demanding answers. The meter, though irregular, works perfectly against the rhymes (which are almost terza rima, only it breaks from L3 to L4 -- it doesn't bother me, I'm just mentioning it because that's what I do )

Of all your phrases, I like "barky logs" the best -- though honestly, that's just picking one slight favourite out of a dozen or more possibilities. Your repetition of certain words and phrases adds depth to the sea motif, giving the words an ebb and flow ("A thing of sea you are, of sea, eroding cliffs"). The one line I would change, purely for order of sounds, is S8 L2, for which I'd suggest:

Today beneath a chlorine Cross I lay, above a hundred more

-- this splits the rhyming words of today/lay and picks up assonance between lay/above

I really enjoyed this, thank you

Thank you, Leanne. I shall make the change you suggest, when I can get my edit thing to work, which it is not right now.

With L3/L4, L3 is wonky in that it is not properly or fully iambic. I take it you meant that I had picked up the middle line of the first verse, instead of the last, to kick off the terz-riming with?

It was metric until the end, although I gave the middle line 7 feet, and the others 6, principally for the mundane reason of getting more information in.

I am glad you used the word 'wanderings', as that was precisely my intent--- I had at one stage thought of going on, and breaking up more and more, but one has to call a halt somewhere..