10-01-2011, 04:50 AM
Like some others have commented, I've read this dozens of times. I'm in love with how you use looms (beautiful double use of the word). I also love the idea of the sky and a gosamer moon being displayed in silk. Everything in those first few lines means what it means and means something else at a slight slant. That's the kind of condensed power I like to read in poetry.
I love the idea of a soulful artisan though it doesn't have the same two-fold meaning that the rest of the poem does (imo). If this were mine (and I don't tend to write beautiful things) I would be tempted to rename the poem A Soulful Artisan and have the first three lines be the poem.
Though that's a minor style quibble at most. It's truly stunning whatever you do with it.
Best,
Todd
I love the idea of a soulful artisan though it doesn't have the same two-fold meaning that the rest of the poem does (imo). If this were mine (and I don't tend to write beautiful things) I would be tempted to rename the poem A Soulful Artisan and have the first three lines be the poem.
Though that's a minor style quibble at most. It's truly stunning whatever you do with it.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson