(content) just fiction

[heslopian]

Thanks for the kind words and feedback Bilbo

i love it jack, i take it this was brought about from the sewer posts?

Yeah I began by writing that entry for Room 101 then decided I'd make it a poem. A simple sewer post wasn't enough to contain my impotent fury

would each part of the following lines read better on their own line in order to save the syntax issues?

open the peephole snap her bra
fill a tissue drain your beer

You mean like this?

"open the peephole
snap her bra
fill a tissue
drain your beer"

That sounds like a good idea; I'll think about it, thanks.

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Strong poem with a confronting theme. I quite like the format and line breaks.

My favourite passage is:

"all the neon dust jackets
like bar signs slicing through the dark"

I don't have any nits to pick either.

Thanks for the kind words, Mr. Holland

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I can find no fault with the piece... the opening is wonderful, every line is nicely contained and spot-on, even the lack of caps adds both an elegance and a seedy feel to the piece. One of the most solid works I've read. If I absolutely had to nitpick, in the last line of stanza 6 I suppose "prosecute" could be replaced with a term that's a bit more arresting (no pun intended), like "throw the book", but really it's a non-issue. The poem is strong and wonderfully clever as is.

I really like that "throw the book" suggestion. It's in keeping with the informal tone of the diction. Thanks for the feedback and kind words, Addy