Silence

[addy]

I really love this. You present an original scene, a world that is a fold, a space, where the narrator struggles to apply meaning. A short and effective piece.

“Even the silence isn’t yours anymore
here, where the millstones have stopped..."
G. Sepheris


Let what I am telling you
have some sense,
when this world is
a pleat
of your midnight shirt gorgeous image. I'd have to disagree with the boys and say that I rather like your use of "of" instead of "on"... there's a nice specificity to it that adds character... it sounds like a very important pleat, not an afterthought. Just my taste though

and my voice – so hollow
and empty.
I am writing out long lines
with the words which I do not know. These two lines are great stuff.
And then I don't think "And then" stands well as a line on its own. Maybe change it to "Before", or maybe "Until"... as this will lend a similar sense of inevitability. Just a suggestion
everything is
erased.