09-28-2011, 05:23 AM
Pigs still just wallow here I'm afraid 
Nice little internal rhymes going on here, Sid, they're very subtle but definitely enhance the sonics, along with the alliteration. As you employ end rhyme in your couplet, though, I would suggest wrapping it up with iambic pentameter, as in:
We hoi polloi will sit back, ooh and sigh,
and watch the bacon fledglings flying by
(your final line at the moment is trochaic and just throws things out a little)
Most enjoyable, I know exactly where you're coming from!
Nice little internal rhymes going on here, Sid, they're very subtle but definitely enhance the sonics, along with the alliteration. As you employ end rhyme in your couplet, though, I would suggest wrapping it up with iambic pentameter, as in:
We hoi polloi will sit back, ooh and sigh,
and watch the bacon fledglings flying by
(your final line at the moment is trochaic and just throws things out a little)
Most enjoyable, I know exactly where you're coming from!
It could be worse