Deer on Mill Hill at Nightfall

[Ca ne fait rien]

A couple more things. I hope you do not alter 'whitethorn', as it enriches the language, and the Lord knows the pressures to degrade it are great enough!

Also, re Todd's comment, sae-breezes are the opposite of land-breezes, coming off the sea. For that reason alone, for me at least, there is enough salt as is.

When I sat down to rethink, I realised that I had used 'whitethorn'
ahem 'artistically' because it sounds better with 'twisted'. Probably just subconsciously. Yes, here we talk about landwind and seawind depending on where it is coming from- it makes a big difference to us here. Salt breeze makes it feel more 'out at sea'.
Thanks again Abu.

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Well a lot of comments already (which I'm deliberately not reading so that it doesn't influence me )

To the lines:

Running home to beat the dark--I like this idea of racing the advancing dark
across an ocean of meadow grass--this feels a bit static for an ocean of meadow(I keep wanting to fit something like ripple/rippling into this. Something to keep the movement going
knees rip ankles turn and tangle--knees rip feels a bit awkward to me
boots stumble the furrows
along the stubble field.--like these to lines

On Mill Hill the earth is ploughed
already chain- harrowed. Blood pounds--I like chain-harrowed
seabreezes steal breath--salt breezes would be a good way to engage another sense. Just a thought
feet heavy clay- clarted--the extra spacing after the hypen seems wrong
stop a moment gauge position.

Up wind--one word
three roe deer break cover
from twisted whitethorn bushes
freeze on the brow
black against the violet sky--nice
poise on the point
of that split second--like the use of that
that separates
Day from night.

.

I liked this. I thought it was a solid read. Hopefully there will be something in these comments you might find useful.

Best,

Todd

Hi Todd,
Thanks very much for taking time to read coment and for the suggestions. I will adjust the spacing issue, and have another look at line 3.