09-15-2011, 04:30 PM
Ok Billy, I dropped 'glue' to the next line and fixed my misspelling. I also struck 'while'. I left the 'and' because when I read it without the rhythm faulters.
The longer lines are drawn out as i would speak them. I will consider chopping them up a bit.
Thank you so much!
The 'it' in the final strophe is the darkness, the unloved, unknown portions. It was meant to be a little ambiguous, but is it so ambiguous it falters?
The longer lines are drawn out as i would speak them. I will consider chopping them up a bit.
Thank you so much!
The 'it' in the final strophe is the darkness, the unloved, unknown portions. It was meant to be a little ambiguous, but is it so ambiguous it falters?
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?